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Originally Posted by Tirian
In your reading have you come across a book titled "The Sex Starved Marriage." ?
I've read it, and it may be of interest to you.
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Thanks for the heads up!
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Originally Posted by thirdsun
What is his self-esteem like?..
Is he overweight, easily tired, etc.? This can be a real passion killer for men...
Does he have religious issues..
You might need to realize that you cannot change him. But he does need to make a decision to fulfill your needs. If you can't come to that type of a mutually-acceptable agreement, you might have to face the reality that you are going to have this issue throughout your marriage. At least, that was how it was in my experience.
Finally, as difficult as this situation is, you can't let your own self-esteem be pulled down by this. I know that it is hard to overcome those feelings, especially when you want to play and the other person is indifferent. But his issue with having a low sex drive doesn't mean that you are less-than in any way.
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His self esteem is fine, he's not overweight and religion doesn't affect his bedroom habits. He's just... indifferent, and in many ways i find it more frustrating than if it WERE because of health or religious issues. At least then i know what to tackle.
Yeah my self esteem has taken a big hit. I was used to never having problems with boys, and my hubby is usually indifferent. It makes me sadder when I see that I can still get the boys' attention and they get disappointed when i tell them i'm married and they make comments about how lucky he is, and I think "yeah tell him that". But even if a guy has a low sex drive, wouldn't he be all over a girl he's interested in? I'm starting to accept that maybe he's just not interested in me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crompsin
No, but you could become a comedian. That was funny.
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Hahaha I'm glad someone appreciated my joke! Thank you thank you, i'm here till thursday!
---------- Post added at 10:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:42 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Strange Famous
I suppose I can sort of sympathise with the guy's perspective.
Although ideally I like to have relations 2 or 3 times a day, once for breakfast, once after tea and once at bedtime - Im not really into kinky thing like anal sex or dressing as a fireman, or being spanked etc. I probably would go along with some things (or do my best) if my girl was really into it, but probably half heartedly.
I think if you have a radically different sex drive to the person your with - it can be a big problem. Both of you might try to change themselves for the others sake, but you cant really change your sexual feelings in my opinion and it can lead to resentment. I dont mean to be negative - and other things in a relationship can be very worthwhile, but the physical side of things is a big thing to sacrifice.
edit
- I should make myself clearer, that I wasnt suggesting those kind of kinky things are the sort of thing youre into. But I can imagine someone like myself with a medium and plain sex drive, how I would feel if I had a partner who was very kinky and for example wanted to screw in car parks while people filmed it on their cell phones I would feel intimidated, unmanly that I wasnt up to such things, somewhat bemused...
Like the other guy I said, I guess you have to come to an understanding and hope its ok for both of you, or live with this issue. It isnt a positive thing to say I guess.
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Yeah I understand what you're saying. I'm just trying to understand HIS libido because i find it hard to believe a guy in his twenties only wants it a couple of times a month and everything is 'normal'. I want to bring this up along with potential solutions and him not brush it off.
Thats the problem with this issue, I cant mention it without him getting defensive and on edge. I understand that its one of those 'ego' topics for guys, but its something I need to get him to discuss without getting into attack mode. Any tips on how to do this?
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Originally Posted by Xerxys
Did you guys try any Extenze, Viagra, or any other libido boosting pill that can be prescribed by a doc.
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Tried mentioning it, he said hell will freeze over before he takes any medication (because like I said, he reckons 'everything is fine' grrrr)
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Originally Posted by Vigilante
This is something I deal with as well. I'm a freak in bed. She is not. On a good month we have sex once a week, usually on sunday. On a regular month we skip a week or two. She is not into dirty talk, letting loose, oral (maybe once or twice recently) or general kink. She has a great time, but it's not kinky time.
As for me, shoot. I'm up for anything. She loves it when I lavish her with kisses and affection, but she doesn't really know how to reciprocate.
Still, I love her to death and I relieve my tensions in the shower daily, so it's not all bad. We do have lots of fun together even after almost 16 years of being together. You either compromise or you don't. I don't regret the compromises I've made.
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Yeah that sounds like my partner in some ways! I'd be ok if I was in this situation a decade from now, but isn't the beginning supposed to be all "cant keep your hands off each other"? Thats one of the things that I really resent, the fact that I never got that 'honeymoon phase'
Oh and I dont relieve my tensions in the shower daily
