thirdsun

What is his self-esteem like?

I was married for 12 years to a woman with a much lower sex drive than mine, and part of her reluctance was her own self concept. She just didn't see herself as sexy, even though I did my best to convey to her that I found her sexy. My opinion wasn't enough though.

Is he overweight, easily tired, etc.? This can be a real passion killer for men.

Does he have religious issues, etc. My first wife had serious hangups about how a woman is supposed to act, based on her religious convictions. Even after mutual counseling sessions, she could not bring herself to open up in our own bed and play a more active role in helping to spice up our sex life. She told me that sex should not be so important to me. But that is not how relationships work, as previously noted. My ex-wife also tried to guilt me into wanting less sex and that doesn't work either.

You might need to realize that you cannot change him. But he does need to make a decision to fulfill your needs. If you can't come to that type of a mutually-acceptable agreement, you might have to face the reality that you are going to have this issue throughout your marriage. At least, that was how it was in my experience.

Finally, as difficult as this situation is, you can't let your own self-esteem be pulled down by this. I know that it is hard to overcome those feelings, especially when you want to play and the other person is indifferent. But his issue with having a low sex drive doesn't mean that you are less-than in any way.