No baby in my belly.
Chalked up to anxiety of all things. ANXIETY OVER WHAT???
Gyn could not see my today. Actually, he turned me away. He believes it's all the head meds I'm on. Wtfuckingfuck??? I've been on them for years - way past side effects of any sort there, Dr. Spock. It was the office' polite way of telling me 'sorry but you're not important enough for us to see you today.' Hung up on the nurse and lost it.
Called shrink's office. Doctor's out today. Soonest they can see me is tomorrow. Fine.
Not good enough. I wanted testing done. Perhaps a pelvic exam. In between sobbing like a 3 year old, I threw on clothes and went to a doc-in-a-box. Preggo test - negative. He did a pelvic exam - all looked fine to him but I was in tears with pain and discomfort. He had no idea wtf could be wrong other than anxiety. 'Did anything bad happen to you lately sweetheart? Did anyone hurt you?' Like, 'where you raped' is what he was at. NO. I'm fine. This has been happening for 2 weeks - preggo symptoms, pelvic pain, anxiety, etc. But I have nothing to really be anxious over ffs.
He wrote me a script for Ativan. I left pissed, thinking it was some weak ass shit that wouldn't do anything compared to my xanax. Oh yeah that's right - the xanax wasn't working anymore either.
Fastforward - After talking with my Mommy (yeah, I said Mommy,) as well as a couple friends, anxiety may very well be it after all. It's all been small things. Local flooding, losing my job that I thought I didn't care about, house is a mess, depressed, man issues, etc. Perhaps a part of my brain isn't comfortable with tuning out all this shit like I've been doing. Hmph.
So, the Ativan has been a miracle today. It is also a benzodiazepine like xanax, but there are differences. One great one is that it lasts for up to 12 hours as opposed to xanax's 4-5. So I've been unusually calm all day. Slept even. I'm good. Almost feel like I took a few hits but without the munchies.
Truth? It would have been nice to have a little person. But with all the meds I take, there's a big chance little one wouldn't be a healthy one. So I guess it's all good news today. Now I see the shrink tomorrow and hope she agrees to keep me on the Ativan. Really, today has been a vacation ever since I swallowed them down. Not high by any means - just 'calm and good.'
Thanks for all the replies and such. I hated having to post something so personal but I was really desperate for immediate answers.
