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I obviously can't professionally diagnose you since it's only based on one bit of writing (and I'm not a doctor,) but I think you already know the answer. You are displaying classic symptoms of schizophrenia and need to go to a psychiatrist. This is going to be difficult for you because you're likely to feel he is "one of them" because he's going to recognize your symptoms and know a lot about what you're feeling before you even tell him. Just know that he's there to help. He's not one of the bad guys. He's going to help you feel normal so you can go out and enjoy life. This fear you have is internal. It's not your fault, it's probably a tendency inherited from one of your parents, but it's all in your head, as cliche as that sounds, and psychiatrists are there to help you.
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