I've never been in this sort of situation, but I would think about the fact that wallowing in my own shit wouldn't bring them back, wouldn't prove I loved them more, and wouldn't be what they would want me to be doing. My loved one would want me to be happy and healthy.
I hope this helps you in some small way. 
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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
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