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Husband of Seamaiden
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From the Utilikilt website:
A NOTE ABOUT “REAL KILTS”:It is often suggested that Utilikilts* are not “real kilts.” This is 100% TRUE!
“Real Kilts” are defined as: “A knee-length skirt with deep pleats, usually of a tartan wool, worn as part of the dress for men in the Scottish Highlands.”
Utilikilts*, on the other hand, are manskirts (as are Scottish traditional kilts, and, for that matter, any M.U.G (Men’s Unbifurcated Garment).
That being said, Utilikilts* are not Real Kilts, as in “I don’t need a Utilikilt*, I have a real kilt at home”
And so the conversation begins; “Then why aren’t you wearing your real kilt on a gorgeous day like today?”
We hear all the standard excuses:
“Well, it’s wool, so it gets hot”
“Well, it’s wool, so it gets itchy”
“Well, I spent a thousand dollars on it, so I only wear it for special occasions”
“Well, it has to be dry-cleaned, so I only wear it for special occasions”
“Well, it doesn’t have any pockets, so I can’t carry my stuff”
“Well, I didn’t want to wear my hose with flashes and my shiny shoes today”
“Well, I rode my motorcycle today, and plaid doesn’t really go with my leather boots”
“Well, I only wear it when I play the bagpipes…” *shudder*
“Well I didn’t know what kinda trouble I was gonna get myself into tonight so I thought it would be better to ….blah blah blah.”
…And not don the kilt? Well the trouble you’ll get is a helluva lot less than had you worn the kilt! And here you are crying me a river? You should be two sheets to the wind, pub bound, and already up to your neck in trouble!
That’s not a Kilt!
Heresy!
Sacrilege!
And so I want one!!!
Okay, enough said.
Listen, here at The Utilikilts Company, we have nothing against “Real Kilts,” we just think they’re impractical. If you want to spend that kind of money on a skirt that you only wear 3 times a year, be our guest. But we think Freedom should be more convenient, cheaper, and more comfortable than that.
AND ONE MORE THING: “NICE SKIRT!”
When people see you in your Utilikilt* and scream out “NICE SKIRT”, don’t try to lambaste them into calling it a kilt. (And, not to point fingers, but it’s usually the Scots who force the “it’s not a skirt, it’s a kilt” onto every possible conversation.)
Sheesh, if somebody says “nice skirt”, don’t be an ungrateful arse! Thank them very much and then turn them onto our website. This is usually best accomplished in the privacy and ambiance of a proper pub: “Guinness Talk” we call it. The instigator is usually anxious to buy you a round, and this also gives him the chance to see the Utilikilt* in action. After two rounds (you ARE going to spring for the second round, right?), he’ll have seen enough women making eyes at you, or, even better, trying the proverbial “kilt check”, to understand that this skirt is not without it’s benefits. If he didn’t already think you were a god for wearing the thing in the first place, he now knows you’re a god because, well, there’s a slim chance in hell that you’re not getting laid tonight.
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I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29
1123, 6536, 5321
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