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MegHen · 09-13-2009, 06:30 PM

I sympathize. Some things that popped out in my head:
Probe around with some questions. See if he feels like he's starting to regret making promises of commitment even though he's in love. This one's tricky, because even if he does honestly feel that way, the situation could go either way. He could stick it out for the long hull until those feelings go away. He'd realize that even though it might be too early for him to settle down, you're too good to lose. He'd do whatever it takes to keep you and when he is ready, he'd still have you. This is based on him realizing that he has those feelings, but not acting on them. Or he could acknowledge those feelings and decide that there are things he wants to do before he settles down.
If you were to go ahead and get that house/condo, would things eventually even out and make your financial investment worth it? Or would you pretty much always be the one supporting the both of you? Even though he doesn't have the circumstances yet to help you out, is he willing to try as much as he can even if it's not much?
My experience wasn't exactly similar, but it did involve readiness to settle down and financial responsibility. My boyfriend was committed to me heart and soul and fully prepared for everything that went with settling down, but I was providing 90% of the finances. I wanted to better my life and finish my degree, but I couldn't both work full time and go to school. I also hadn't gotten dating out of my system yet, so I started to feel tied down and smothered when in reality all he did was love me. I left him. And while he was a good man with a good heart - rare - , I don't regret it. As much as we talked about marriage and as much as I thought that it was what I really wanted, I didn't completely know until afterward that I hadn't been ready. There were other factors there too though, like he wasn't exactly willing to try to pitch in with money. That became a huge strain as time went on.
You're probably jealous because you've been there at age 23 and you know (part of) what he's thinking. Especially going back to school, he's surrounded by constant reminders of what life could be like if he were single. That's normal, but another question you should ask him is how he views those reminders. Do they make him feel negatively about his relationship with you even though you're not doing anything to make him feel that way (my situation)? Or does he brush them off as things that were nice once, but not part of his life anymore?
As far as ending it, trust your instinct. If you think this part of his life will pass, then hang in there and talk about everything with him as you go. If you don't like the answers you get to these questions, then it might be time to think about life without him. I wish you the best!

09-13-2009, 06:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
MegHen Upright	I sympathize. Some things that popped out in my head: Probe around with some questions. See if he feels like he's starting to regret making promises of commitment even though he's in love. This one's tricky, because even if he does honestly feel that way, the situation could go either way. He could stick it out for the long hull until those feelings go away. He'd realize that even though it might be too early for him to settle down, you're too good to lose. He'd do whatever it takes to keep you and when he is ready, he'd still have you. This is based on him realizing that he has those feelings, but not acting on them. Or he could acknowledge those feelings and decide that there are things he wants to do before he settles down. If you were to go ahead and get that house/condo, would things eventually even out and make your financial investment worth it? Or would you pretty much always be the one supporting the both of you? Even though he doesn't have the circumstances yet to help you out, is he willing to try as much as he can even if it's not much? My experience wasn't exactly similar, but it did involve readiness to settle down and financial responsibility. My boyfriend was committed to me heart and soul and fully prepared for everything that went with settling down, but I was providing 90% of the finances. I wanted to better my life and finish my degree, but I couldn't both work full time and go to school. I also hadn't gotten dating out of my system yet, so I started to feel tied down and smothered when in reality all he did was love me. I left him. And while he was a good man with a good heart - rare - , I don't regret it. As much as we talked about marriage and as much as I thought that it was what I really wanted, I didn't completely know until afterward that I hadn't been ready. There were other factors there too though, like he wasn't exactly willing to try to pitch in with money. That became a huge strain as time went on. You're probably jealous because you've been there at age 23 and you know (part of) what he's thinking. Especially going back to school, he's surrounded by constant reminders of what life could be like if he were single. That's normal, but another question you should ask him is how he views those reminders. Do they make him feel negatively about his relationship with you even though you're not doing anything to make him feel that way (my situation)? Or does he brush them off as things that were nice once, but not part of his life anymore? As far as ending it, trust your instinct. If you think this part of his life will pass, then hang in there and talk about everything with him as you go. If you don't like the answers you get to these questions, then it might be time to think about life without him. I wish you the best!