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rymetymeuk · 08-28-2009, 01:20 PM

Hey guys
thanks for all the comments, I read them carefully and have actually some progress which has been made these past few days.

I didn't realize but I actually have a lot of issues, stemming from being adopted and having a crappy childhood with my parents. I was in boarding school from age 10 till 18, let home at 18 and went and worked so became very self sufficient. My parents were never very affectionate and i've since learned from speaking to a counselor that I am have commitment and intimacy issues.
There is more than meets the eye with our situation, which is actually a good thing as I too don't want to think marriage is a disposable thing either.

So my wife has issues due to her family being abusive, and this led her to be non-confrontational and we basically didn't talk like we should have for months. Also, this is gonna sound really bad so please don't flame me-this is fact: my family is upper/middle class- i've always had opportunity (never spoiled tho, in fact the opposite) and my wife's family is lower class. this presents issues apparently, and i agree with it because I am embarrassed to be near them.
they are all so hateful towards each other verbally, her dad used to physically assault her mom years ago and has a terrible temper. I have no respect for them and apparently this cultural/class issue can cause major problems.

so, we are separated as honestly I don't know what i want (a symptom of commitment issues) but we'll see what happens. if one thing positive does happen, it'll be that we both get counseling for any future relationships. I should add, that the counselor recommended we both get personal counseling first, before any marriage counseling. we'll see what happens. as i said b4, im not sure i'm even attracted to her any more, but maybe that'll change with progress.

what do you guys think?

thanks!

08-28-2009, 01:20 PM	#21 (permalink)
rymetymeuk Upright	Hey guys thanks for all the comments, I read them carefully and have actually some progress which has been made these past few days. I didn't realize but I actually have a lot of issues, stemming from being adopted and having a crappy childhood with my parents. I was in boarding school from age 10 till 18, let home at 18 and went and worked so became very self sufficient. My parents were never very affectionate and i've since learned from speaking to a counselor that I am have commitment and intimacy issues. There is more than meets the eye with our situation, which is actually a good thing as I too don't want to think marriage is a disposable thing either. So my wife has issues due to her family being abusive, and this led her to be non-confrontational and we basically didn't talk like we should have for months. Also, this is gonna sound really bad so please don't flame me-this is fact: my family is upper/middle class- i've always had opportunity (never spoiled tho, in fact the opposite) and my wife's family is lower class. this presents issues apparently, and i agree with it because I am embarrassed to be near them. they are all so hateful towards each other verbally, her dad used to physically assault her mom years ago and has a terrible temper. I have no respect for them and apparently this cultural/class issue can cause major problems. so, we are separated as honestly I don't know what i want (a symptom of commitment issues) but we'll see what happens. if one thing positive does happen, it'll be that we both get counseling for any future relationships. I should add, that the counselor recommended we both get personal counseling first, before any marriage counseling. we'll see what happens. as i said b4, im not sure i'm even attracted to her any more, but maybe that'll change with progress. what do you guys think? thanks! Last edited by rymetymeuk; 08-28-2009 at 01:23 PM..