I think I may have an anxiety disorder. Usually mistresses are supposed to fear nothing and have the confidence to do or say anything.....especially Harsh ones. She commands respect. But she's just a persona. A strong & sexy woman that I would like to model myself after.
In reality, the anxiety is crippling. My own confidence suffers because the anxiety strangles any self esteem that I have left to death. I don't know if it causes my depression or if it is the product of depression. What ever it is....it's a vicious cycle. I can't afford to go to a therapist, which is what I want instead of drugs.
It effects every aspect of my life, holding me back. I bomb job interviews. I can't speak my mind when confronted. It ruins my love/sex life. It makes me paranoid, and it makes being me painful. I feel that it keeps me just out of reach of the wonderful life that deserve to have. And I don't know what to do.
