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Martian · 08-18-2009, 10:23 AM

Yeah, one of the big problems here is how we define 'retarded.'

As an interesting aside, I auto-censored that first sentence and replaced retarded with developmentally disabled. Guess that comes from a lifetime of close contact with folks who're outside the cognitive norm.

Anyhoo.

There are a number of factors that go into this, mostly dependent on the individual's capability. The term retard (or the more socially acceptable alternative, developmentally disabled) is really just a catch-all that refers to a wide range of causes and symptoms. The major questions are:

1) What sort of cognitive capacity does this woman have?
And
2) What sort of adaptive ability does this woman have?

Cognitive capacity is what's being focused on here. If we take the estimate of 65 IQ as accurate, then this woman is quite high functioning, relatively speaking, and may be fully capable of making her own informed decisions so long as circumstances and repercussions are explained to her clearly. I've worked with individuals at this level, and they can and will surprise you if you give them the chance.

The real determining factor is adaptive ability though. A personal with lower than average intelligence may be fully capable of living independently, or with only minor assistance. Conversely, it is quite possible for someone to be highly intelligent but with no adaptive ability at all; such an individual may be able to compute complex functions in their head, but not be able to dress themselves. Think severe autism spectrum.

So, we have a hypothetical (for our purposes) woman, no apparent physical disfigurement, high functioning but cognitive impairment. For this woman, I would say in my decidedly inexpert opinion that a relationship is definitely an option; however, it's important for the gent in question to understand precisely what he's getting into. Suspicions have been mentioned from friends or family, but nobody even considered the woman's case worker (she most likely has one if she's living alone). His motives are going to be frequently questioned, at least in the beginning, and it's my experience that it's very difficult to pull a fast one on any social worker worth the job.

That isn't to say there aren't bad social workers; however, I've known more good than bad in my time. It's not a field you get into for the money or accolades.

The actual dynamics of the relationship would depend largely on just what this woman is capable of. Odds are that he would have to work with the case worker to start with in regards to finance (and possibly on an ongoing basis, assuming the relationship continues) but past that it's hard to say for sure what would or would not happen within the confines of the relationship.

Assuming that she's mentally or emotionally equivalent to a child is premature. That may be true, but is not necessarily the case.

So to answer the question, yes it can be acceptable but it's a highly contextual thing.

08-18-2009, 10:23 AM	#12 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Yeah, one of the big problems here is how we define 'retarded.' As an interesting aside, I auto-censored that first sentence and replaced retarded with developmentally disabled. Guess that comes from a lifetime of close contact with folks who're outside the cognitive norm. Anyhoo. There are a number of factors that go into this, mostly dependent on the individual's capability. The term retard (or the more socially acceptable alternative, developmentally disabled) is really just a catch-all that refers to a wide range of causes and symptoms. The major questions are: 1) What sort of cognitive capacity does this woman have? And 2) What sort of adaptive ability does this woman have? Cognitive capacity is what's being focused on here. If we take the estimate of 65 IQ as accurate, then this woman is quite high functioning, relatively speaking, and may be fully capable of making her own informed decisions so long as circumstances and repercussions are explained to her clearly. I've worked with individuals at this level, and they can and will surprise you if you give them the chance. The real determining factor is adaptive ability though. A personal with lower than average intelligence may be fully capable of living independently, or with only minor assistance. Conversely, it is quite possible for someone to be highly intelligent but with no adaptive ability at all; such an individual may be able to compute complex functions in their head, but not be able to dress themselves. Think severe autism spectrum. So, we have a hypothetical (for our purposes) woman, no apparent physical disfigurement, high functioning but cognitive impairment. For this woman, I would say in my decidedly inexpert opinion that a relationship is definitely an option; however, it's important for the gent in question to understand precisely what he's getting into. Suspicions have been mentioned from friends or family, but nobody even considered the woman's case worker (she most likely has one if she's living alone). His motives are going to be frequently questioned, at least in the beginning, and it's my experience that it's very difficult to pull a fast one on any social worker worth the job. That isn't to say there aren't bad social workers; however, I've known more good than bad in my time. It's not a field you get into for the money or accolades. The actual dynamics of the relationship would depend largely on just what this woman is capable of. Odds are that he would have to work with the case worker to start with in regards to finance (and possibly on an ongoing basis, assuming the relationship continues) but past that it's hard to say for sure what would or would not happen within the confines of the relationship. Assuming that she's mentally or emotionally equivalent to a child is premature. That may be true, but is not necessarily the case. So to answer the question, yes it can be acceptable but it's a highly contextual thing. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame