ratbastid

I'm not sure if you're including me in that. There seems to be some unclarity around my first post (which is surprising to me, because I thought I was fairly straightforward). Let me rephrase.

Whatever you do about this, what will work best is to be above-board in all your dealings--in your marriage especially, but not exclusively. In other words, don't lie and don't cheat. Those sorts of actions will only haunt you.

Get divorced, if that's what you're going to do. Or have a conversation with her to redefine the nature of your relationship, and the agreements you have with each other. But whatever you do, deal honestly with her about it. She deserves that. Don't go behind her back. Let her know the whole deal, and take whatever lumps you're going to take. Better to take the impact of how it really is than to cover up and be dodging the truth for the rest of your life.

She might just surprise you. She might be a bigger person than you give her credit for. You'll never know that if you keep being afraid of damaging her.

For the record, I'm not a religious folk.