Yeah, but sometimes, you see, it’s not that easy, you know what I mean?
Not all the cupcakes and "Jesus juice" like you might assume.
Yeah a lot of times, I’ll admit it, it’s not easy being handsome
Being a model, being a graduate even, of the Handsome Boy Modeling School.
Cause they… they pick on you, they make you… you know... say, “You gotta go on the runway.”
Then two minutes later, you have to change and go again.

And the restroom's full, yeah, but they, you know you have…
Can’t get into the restrooms then they say, “You walk so slow this time, you, steps, uh, too tiny.”
This what they say, “Tiny steps.”
Well yes, tiny steps, you eh would walk with your legs crossed together tiny steps if you couldn’t get into the restroom!
What do you want, you know? I said, “Let me go on last."
If, for instance, there is some, ehm, problem, you know, on the stage,
If… if there is… no… no one will slip on it, is what I’m saying, you know what I mean?
So let me go on last. They says, “No, you have to...
Mr. Zack has to go on last to take the big bow,” you know, like he did something
You know what I mean? He stole everybody else’s clothes designs.
What? He takes the bow, he slips, it’s not my fault, is…
It was so crowded they couldn’t get into the men’s room and I should get paid, it’s all I know.

Since I’ve graduated, I uh… I got to say uh… I will say nine out of ten jobs.
Just… just, you know, just marvelous, everybody so nice to you.
They.. they can’t treat you better but every once a while you run into, like, this jerk, you know, like Mr. Zack.
You know, and he slips on the runway and says it’s all. My fault.
When you can’t even get into the restroom cause there’s too many people lined up and they say, “You’re on the runway next.”

Yeah, sometimes it gets to be a little lonely, alone in the hotel room when you just waiting for a show to come up.
They, they pick you up at the airport and then they say,
“Just see you in the morning.” Then they don’t even make no plans for you to go some place.

And you gotta go there and there’s so many people.
They give you clothes, half the time they don’t even fit.
And then, it’s just all the jealousy 'cause, you know, if you’re handsome and that and other ones, they...
They treat you, you know, somehow like they jealous of you.
Just cause, you know, you’re a little more handsome then them.

And then they... they eat all of the food.
They eat, there’s no food left, you know.
They say, “Jesus juice.” Very funny. You know, they have the Jesus juice.
It’s a terrible wine. They just call it to make it sound glamorous or something.
And the food stinks. Usually, this… this junk, you know?
Even… even if you like to eat, you couldn’t eat it.

Then they said they gonna pick you up to take you back to the airport.
They don’t even show, they have… they… they… they… said, they, you know,
“The hotel’s got the van, you could go.” They said they would pick me up.
Why do I have the van? And they never reimburse you, like they say.
They say, “Well you ate so much.” You know, I don’t know.

I like to… and then the catalogs… they don’t even send it to you when you done with them.
You know, like who wants 'em anyway. What?
They say they gonna have a hair stylist there, there ain’t no hair stylist, you know?
One, maybe, yes, for what, 50 people, you know what I mean? “You gotta bring your own scissors too,” They say.
"I have… misplaced my scissors." What? Whoever heard of a hair stylist has no scissors?
They say, “We just style it, we don’t cut it.” What?! In Italy, they have to cut, you know what I mean?
A barber is a what, a hair stylist, it means barber. No, what, you mean, no… cut?
I have my own mousse? What? Think I have my own mousse? I have no mousse.

Sometimes, like, if you… if you wet and then you socks get wet.
Then you have no other socks with you, you know what I mean?
Turn them inside out? No, doesn’t work. They say, “Change your socks,” they say.
Yes, the one for, or do the other one? What? I have no, deh, in the hotel room.
It’s fifty miles from here out near the boondocks.
And they put you next to a place near Sears, I go to Sears for breakfast.

You know, once I was a model for socks.
And I thought, you know, this is a good, eh… modeling for socks… it’s good.
You don’t have to, you know eh… get all cleaned up the night before, you know.
That’s one good thing. You know, you could go unshaved and that.
Then they says, “Well, you can’t do shoes.” I say, “What?”
They say, “No, if you… if you did the socks, then you can’t be model for shoes.
That’s the rules!” Who says this? Who makes these things up?
That if you’re a sock model, you can’t do shoes.
You have to… only the shoe models can do shoes. This is just makes me sick.

I just… I just turned down a job. They said they were looking for a handkerchief model.
I say, “I could do it.” They says, “What, you left handed or right handed?” I says, “Right handed.”
They says, “No, you have to be left handed.” I said I could do it. They says, “No, you says you was right handed.”
I says, “I made a mistake. I’m left handed.” They says, “Prove it.” How am I gonna prove this, you know what I mean?
So I take my handkerchief off from my left hand, right? They said, “You didn’t do that very smooth.”
I say, “OK, lemme try again.” They say, “Why do you have to try again? You left handed, do it.”
I said, “Just shut up and gimme the uh… the Kleenex. Let me show you with Kleenex.
I won’t ruin another one of my hankies.”
Anyway, I’m just… I don’t know what that did.