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Plan9 · 07-12-2009, 07:53 PM

Every woman I've met has been through an online encounter. Every single one. Wow, that's kinda odd now that I actually write it out.

I had to count it on my fingers, but it's true. It started way back in the dial-up days of AOL and progressed to dating sites.

Huh. Totally makes me sound creepy if you don't know me. I assure you all that aside from my lack of genitalia, I'm a normal guy.

But yeah-yeah, online dating is totally mondo gnarly funky tubular rad, kiddos! See, it lets me sift through unnecessary awkward first-time-how-are-you? blah-blah bullshit and get to the meat without looking like I'm trying to get her home and wear her skin. No muss, no fuss, no long pregnant sighs required.

I can ask tough questions phrased as friendly little info traps and get answers back without it being too forward / creepy. I can find out how they handle money, if they've used drugs, if they have bastard children, their education versus actual intelligence, their hobbies and ambitions, if their waistline is the same as my height, etc. I find it lets you dig to the dealbreakers quickly. It's non-threatening, so you can get "them digits" easily and progress to the text messages / cell calls... the place you wanna be. It's like you're on Date 2 (TM) and you haven't even met the person yet. Leads to random blowjobs.

I find that several "cyber dates" (extended IM sessions or long emails) are more productive than going out on a blind first date. What's the point of a first date? Really? I mean, you don't know jack about the person you're sitting across from and it's like walking into a minefield with your pants down. I'd rather do a little online recon by sending out expendable remote query probes. Use the IRL date to expand on what you talked about in your emails.

Since I've been "newly single," I've been on what feels like a zillion dates this year already... and online dating has prevented me from wasting (more) money on women I have nothing in common with nor will end up bumping uglies with at the end of the evening. It's pretty much the best plan ever.

It's a win-win and you can't beat the price of sites like OkCupid or PlentyOfFish. They're friggin' free.

07-12-2009, 07:53 PM	#12 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Every woman I've met has been through an online encounter. Every single one. Wow, that's kinda odd now that I actually write it out. I had to count it on my fingers, but it's true. It started way back in the dial-up days of AOL and progressed to dating sites. Huh. Totally makes me sound creepy if you don't know me. I assure you all that aside from my lack of genitalia, I'm a normal guy. But yeah-yeah, online dating is totally mondo gnarly funky tubular rad, kiddos! See, it lets me sift through unnecessary awkward first-time-how-are-you? blah-blah bullshit and get to the meat without looking like I'm trying to get her home and wear her skin. No muss, no fuss, no long pregnant sighs required. I can ask tough questions phrased as friendly little info traps and get answers back without it being too forward / creepy. I can find out how they handle money, if they've used drugs, if they have bastard children, their education versus actual intelligence, their hobbies and ambitions, if their waistline is the same as my height, etc. I find it lets you dig to the dealbreakers quickly. It's non-threatening, so you can get "them digits" easily and progress to the text messages / cell calls... the place you wanna be. It's like you're on Date 2 (TM) and you haven't even met the person yet. Leads to random blowjobs. I find that several "cyber dates" (extended IM sessions or long emails) are more productive than going out on a blind first date. What's the point of a first date? Really? I mean, you don't know jack about the person you're sitting across from and it's like walking into a minefield with your pants down. I'd rather do a little online recon by sending out expendable remote query probes. Use the IRL date to expand on what you talked about in your emails. Since I've been "newly single," I've been on what feels like a zillion dates this year already... and online dating has prevented me from wasting (more) money on women I have nothing in common with nor will end up bumping uglies with at the end of the evening. It's pretty much the best plan ever. It's a win-win and you can't beat the price of sites like OkCupid or PlentyOfFish. They're friggin' free. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 07-20-2009 at 05:15 PM..