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Anonymous Member · 07-09-2009, 08:03 PM

Hi brilliant women: I am sorry about the anonymous but it is important in this situation....

I want to know when you personally make the decision to say enough is enough when it comes to hanging on to a relationship? Either you are deciding to end things or you have ended them but are still hanging on to hope, what is your personal breaking point? And please don't reply with advice you give others, reply with what you actually do...because we all know it is easy to teach others from our mistakes but so much more difficult to actually follow our own advice. And I actually want to know what YOU do..

I ended a relationship a little over six months ago. I truly believed I was going to marry this man and finally had something real (I am in my 30's by the way). Unfortunately he had these odd mood swings that were rare at first but became more frequent and I decided long ago never to settle for someone that bring me down. So the relationship ended and for awhile there was anger and resentment and virtually no communication. After several months communication was initiated and a friendship was promised, however; now I feel like the friendship is holding me back from accepting new opportunities.

Our communication levels vary depending on our moods but he tends to get 'sexual' in his communication at some point or another and I find myself turn on but trying to end the conversation. I don't ever want to be the women who settles for being a man's sexual toy and choose to not succumb to his advances. The problem is: I really long too. I crave him and it is slowly killing me inside. We have made plans to hang out or attend some gathering together in which I secretly decide to be with him....yet each time it has been avoided.

He always talks about doing whatever it takes to make things right but in all the time we have been apart, he has not rectified the one issue that was holding us back. So I already realize that we will never be back together because he cannot make necessary changes. And ladies I am not talking about picking up after himself or contributing to the home, I am talking about serious, abusive, personality traits that require change.

In addition it is not that I am unable to move on, I date without issue, currently 'auditioning' someone now.. but there is always that aching feeling that I am leaving my soul mate behind because for the most part of our relationship, I was deeply in love and entranced by our connection. The sad thing is I realize this desire will all go away instantaniously if I meet the right guy, it's just that the guys I have met thus far have not been right.

So to get back to point....at what point do you say; I think I'll pass on the communication and 'friendship' and focus on nothing but the future?

07-09-2009, 08:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	When do you say enough? Hi brilliant women: I am sorry about the anonymous but it is important in this situation.... I want to know when you personally make the decision to say enough is enough when it comes to hanging on to a relationship? Either you are deciding to end things or you have ended them but are still hanging on to hope, what is your personal breaking point? And please don't reply with advice you give others, reply with what you actually do...because we all know it is easy to teach others from our mistakes but so much more difficult to actually follow our own advice. And I actually want to know what YOU do.. I ended a relationship a little over six months ago. I truly believed I was going to marry this man and finally had something real (I am in my 30's by the way). Unfortunately he had these odd mood swings that were rare at first but became more frequent and I decided long ago never to settle for someone that bring me down. So the relationship ended and for awhile there was anger and resentment and virtually no communication. After several months communication was initiated and a friendship was promised, however; now I feel like the friendship is holding me back from accepting new opportunities. Our communication levels vary depending on our moods but he tends to get 'sexual' in his communication at some point or another and I find myself turn on but trying to end the conversation. I don't ever want to be the women who settles for being a man's sexual toy and choose to not succumb to his advances. The problem is: I really long too. I crave him and it is slowly killing me inside. We have made plans to hang out or attend some gathering together in which I secretly decide to be with him....yet each time it has been avoided. He always talks about doing whatever it takes to make things right but in all the time we have been apart, he has not rectified the one issue that was holding us back. So I already realize that we will never be back together because he cannot make necessary changes. And ladies I am not talking about picking up after himself or contributing to the home, I am talking about serious, abusive, personality traits that require change. In addition it is not that I am unable to move on, I date without issue, currently 'auditioning' someone now.. but there is always that aching feeling that I am leaving my soul mate behind because for the most part of our relationship, I was deeply in love and entranced by our connection. The sad thing is I realize this desire will all go away instantaniously if I meet the right guy, it's just that the guys I have met thus far have not been right. So to get back to point....at what point do you say; I think I'll pass on the communication and 'friendship' and focus on nothing but the future?