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These are crazily difficult situations. I don't pretend to have the answers. Reading through this old thread, I'm impressed with the experience and knowledge that has been passed along. weaklinkmom, I wish you luck in your efforts. Sounds like you and your family are taking all of the right steps.
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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq
"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
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