You and your wife are both in a tough situation. It's always hard to balance personal with joint wants and needs. The only way to resolution is for one person to compromise, or you both to compromise in small way.
Perhaps you can approach her with the "have a baby" plan. Aside from her immediate desire to have a child, what does she feel as a couple do you need to have accomplished or established in order to have one?
Some possibilities are:
Her having a stable job
You having a stable job
Her being covered by health insurance
Stable living situation
Back up sitter in case Mom gets sick, hurt or wants to go on vacation
X amount of dollars in a savings acct.
Then questions to decide, some could be:
Have you calculated the weekly cost of diapers, wipes, formula
Have you calculated the initial cost of a crib, car seat, swing, playpen, clothes etc.
Have you investigated what options there are for saving for college? Some plans allow you to start saving at birth
How much will it cost to put the baby onto your health insurance
So you could together figure out what you're "have a baby" goals are then set a time limit. Say 2 years. In those 2 years you both work toward completing the goals. Decide after the 2 years elapses you'll re-evaluate where you are in the plan, refine, retune and possibly decide some original goals were too high or unnecessary.
Something like this may help alleviate some of her urgency. Right now, she doesn't know how, when or if you both will have a child. At the very least, she would know that it's planned, but certain goals have to be met first in order to give that child the best life possible.
I can't tell you how you'll know when you're ready to be a father. It would be like me trying to tell you when you are in love. It's instinct, you'll know. But I would venture that you will feel much more positive about the experience if you are financially sound and prepared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by genuinegirly
If she would voluntarily choose to be dependent upon WIC, Food Stamps, and MediCal, potentially for the next 5-7 years of her child's life, in order to have that child right now, then I suppose it could be a good thing to have kids. You would pay less personally out of pocket at the moment for a child than you will when you have a decent-paying job. If you look at it in that light, it could be a good thing.
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I'll try to be tactful.
No. No. No. No. No. Absolutely not. Don't even consider it.
These programs are not for those who decide, I want a baby! I want it now! I can't afford it so I'm going to force the taxpayers of California to pay for it. Screw them, I want I want I want.
State/federal assistance are not an alternative lifestyle, they are a last resort designed to be a band aid, not a permanent solution.