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Thanks everybody for the advice. I agree with everything you guys say in that we're both not ready to bring a child into this world. I think she's mentally ready to have a child and I'm not quite there yet. I believe she does plan on going back to work after she has the baby. She's not feeling pressured from her family at all I don't think. She's an only child and her parents are very supportive of us.
As far as some of the questions you posed Jazz:
We've discussed how many kids we want. We both want at least 2, but I think she wants 3. We've got the child care already taken care of in her mother. She works from home and would be able to take care of our child when we are both at work. As far as being pregnant during any part of the year I don't think she really cares. We had a talk last night and she was under the impression that after were married for about a year we would start trying. Now that's not out of the question, but with our given situation, I don't think it's possible. She had asked me a few months back when I thought I would be ready to start having a family. I didn't really know what to tell her and told her about a year or year and a half and she got upset. Obviously she wants me to be on the same page as she is but that doesn't seem to be the case right now. She doesn't want to have a child right now because we have some issues to hash out and it would be just plain stupid to do so.
As far as my career goes, I think this year is my last go at it. There are many things that need to happen and happen fast for this to stay afloat. I need to start playing ASAP first and foremost, which is easier said than done. I'm basically waiting around for a phone call for someone to say "we have a spot for you." I've come to the decision that if I'm not in spring training with an organizational team (e.g. Dodgers) then it's time to move on. I can't sit around and waste away in Independent ball (which is a separate entity from MLB) and try the same thing next year because the same thing that has happened already can happen again. I've been around the block too much to know otherwise. At the end of the summer I'm going to look for a real career job and go from there.
I think we do need to get our shit together before we can plan something like this. I think we'll be able to get a better idea of that once the summer is over and she'll know whether or not she'll be teaching and I'll be on the lookout for a good job. It's just frustrating to deal with right now because of all the circumstances given.
genuinegirly I think you're right in that reality has slapped her in the face and she's having trouble dealing with it. Things are tough on both of us and we seem to a lot more arguing and less loving these days.
Jazz again you are right when you say we've been doing more yelling than anything. You don't need to apologize. We do need to get on the same page, but I have to wait and see what happens with baseball before than can happen. Of course I want to have my cake and eat it too but that's not the way the world works sometimes. Reality sucks and I just have to come to grips with it. It'll be hard to give up baseball. It's been my passion for the past 18 years, but I know I'm really talented and have so much potential to do great things. I'm not worried about that. I just don't want to regret not trying to play a position and always thinking in the back of my mind "what if..."
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