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It's not a matter of whether or not the user of "that's so gay" intends to be disparaging of homosexuals. The simple meaning of the words is that something is being disparaged by its association with being homosexual (i.e. gay).
It's generally frowned upon for people to equate those who are cheap with the money with being Jewish. For example, Carl doesn't want to help pay for a round of beers. His friend says, "Carl, don't be so Jewish."
I can remember this being a common thing people would say when I was growing up. We don't say it so much anymore. We don't use it because we are not so ignorant as to see that the association between Jews and being cheap is at best rude and at worst horribly offensive.
Using "gay" as a pejorative is a similar thing.
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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke
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