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i don't think this has been brought up in so many words, but the reason your friends aren't talking to you is because it hurts too much to do it. if you've tried to do this 3 times now, they have to be at a point where they're feeling helpless in being in any position to get you, their friend through some tough stuff, and that hurts... and on top of that, you're the one hurting them by trying to leave them. at this point, they're saying "it's only a matter of time", and it's up to you to prove them wrong and even more importantly, make sure you recover for your friends, to help them. put them before you, and don't be selfish enough to leave them in this world missing you and the stories you could have shared with them.
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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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