Halanna

• This really isn't an issue that "hurts". This is a normal process of aging. Your (and you for that matter) wife will not look 20 when you are 50. There's just nothing you can do about it and that's just the way it is.
  
  
  
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  Originally Posted by Dead_man Her family is very reserved and she grew up in a very strict household. The family is loose, but come together when necessary.

  Where I would guess that talking about sex or anything sexual was seen as taboo or "bad".
  
  
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  Originally Posted by Dead_man Bringing up the topic of sex is a big no-no for her. She will not talk about it.

  This is the problem. No matter what anyone here says or even if you got solo therapy, if she won't discuss the matter with you, nothing will ever change. I've been married for 17 years. Communication is the key to any long term relationship. If you can't talk about sex, then sex will not change. How can you try new things? Explore fantasies? Sometimes talking about sex, what, when, where and how you want to do it can be it's own type of foreplay.
  
  
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  Originally Posted by Dead_man She reaches orgasm extremely fast. If i'm not done by then, I either go without or I get a half-assed attempt at an orgasm which means 85% of the time, I end up handling the situation myself.

I would guess that she reaches orgasm quickly because she is only having sex once a month. It probably has nothing to do with her orgasmic ability. But I do have a question, does she masturbate? If you don't know, this comes back to communication.
As far as you not finishing, then you two are not having sex. What is the point of you two having sex if you don't orgasm too? It seems clear that she is making all the decisions on sex. If you have it, how you have it and whether or not you get to orgasm. This is pretty serious.

There are many different ways long term couples have sex. You can have romantic sex, down and dirty, let's just do it , quickies, slow and tender, fantasy, the list is endless. So no, and I don't think it's just guys. Reminds me of the Robin Williams skit where he's talking about sex and pantomiming the act and he mimics the women who looks at her watch and says, "you almost done, I got shit to do".

This will unfortunately define your marriage from here on out. If you are experiencing bitterness now, it will only get worse and manifest itself in different ways. You need to find a way to tell her that if you don't talk about sex (and all it encompasses) that there are going to be long term problems. Bitterness now is not going to go away. I don't have the answers but you must find a way to open the lines of communication or the marriage may fail, or you may be unhappy and bitter for a very long time.

Maybe she would feel more comfortable talking through writing notes or letters to one another, or speaking about the topic on the phone, or as if you were discussing third parties. The lines of communication need to be opened through whatever means, and soon. If that is in your opinion simply not a possibility, it's going to be a very rough road for you.

Any long term married couple knows that sex is a major part of the connection, the reaffirmation of who they are as a couple and a very important aspect of their relationship. This becomes more important the longer you are married and the longer you deepen that connection as a couple.

It's obvious that you love your wife. I'm sorry sexual issues seem to be the only "sticking" point in your life. I sincerely hope you find or figure out a way to overcome the communication issues and to make the sexual side of your union as happy as the rest.