Well quit. If orgasm is the goal, go hire a hooker
Sex between loved ones should not always be focused on the orgasm. It will inevitably lead to disappointment and feelings of failure. The tone of your post sounds like you're all but telling her "you are required to make me orgasm." As though you're setting up a "I got you there, now you owe me" situation. Start approaching things from a different direction first off.
Second, it sounds like you require oral pressure sufficient to make a diamond out of coal. That is your issue, not hers. Stop squeezing the crap out of it when you masturbate. Learn to appreciate the lighter touch, and then her lighter touch will be that much better.