mjby2

1. When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly
remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.

4. To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't
move and does, use the duct tape.