OK. This is the first thread that made me cringe at 98% percent of the posts. It doesn't help that I'm high, trust me.
So, in turn, I will design that absolute most twisted way to die I can think of.
It starts off this way:
Limbaugh and Micheal moore take turns sitting on your face, just long enough to not kill you; Rush's cigar leaving 1/2 diameter burn circles on your entire body. After which alcohol, and then salt water, are thrown on you with a high pressure hose, in cycles of 15 minutes. Between each cycle of alcohol/salt water, cats are thrown on to you by several volunteers..your closest friends, of course.
The cats don't wanna touch the wet floor, so they desperately claw into your skin as they are flying past you at high speed. However, the skin is much softened by this process, and the claws leave trails up to a foot and a half long.
You are then allowed to heal up till you are no longer in danger of dying, but still feel intense pain under every inch of your skin.
You are then taken out the country side, and strapped to the end of a 3 blade
wind turbine, with your head towards the outside of it, on a windy day. You go in circles from the height of 170 ft to 430 feet, spinning at 22 revolutions per minute. That's 300 feet a second.
While this is happening, children around the windmill are given paintball guns, slingshots, bb guns which they fire upon you.
A fishing line is then placed very tightly stretched in a manner that is parallel to the plane of the circle you are describing, right next to where your body passes 22 times a minute, and is pulled closer gradually, cutting you with every turn around.
More lines are added, and this thing stops and starts, leaving you rest and enjoy your slow death even longer. Eventually you have to choose between fire, drowning, bullet in the head, being hanged, or stabbed many times.
Of course you choose bullet in the head, but it's a trick question so they drown you
while burning the non submerged part of your body.
Jesus christ.