Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Anonymous Member · 04-29-2009, 07:57 PM

So here's the situation. I'm 34 years old and have suffered severe psoriasis all my life. Because of this, until very recently I've never had a girlfriend or even had sex. Psoriasis is a skin disease and with the severity that I had it (also until recently) has caused mental problems. My problems aren't dangerous, and in the grand scheme of things are pretty minor to what others have to deal with, but they are problems.

I've had self confidence issues, intimacy issues (total lack of), severe shyness, and a general lack of self worth from a relationship stand point. I relied on porn exclusively for sexual relief and that's pretty much the problem. I'm not a porn addict, at least not what I would consider an addict. But my sexual gratification definitely seems tied to it.

About 2 months ago, after a particularly bad flare up of my disease, I went to a dermatologist and got approved for some incredibly expensive, but effective treatments. Fortunately my new insurance is covering the treatments. So my life starts to progress. A couple weeks after starting treatment, I give online dating a try. I used one of the personality based sites and to my astonishment, I've met a girl that I'm pretty sure I am going to marry.

This is one of those almost too good to be true situations, but it's on the level. We have so much in common it's creepy, but it is genuine. I've met her parents and friends and everything is really good. We've slept together and therein lies the problem. Here I am a 34 year old virgin and I can't get off while having sex. My interest in porn has dropped off to almost nothing and from our first time to our second time 2 weeks later, I didn't masturbate. Still no luck, several attempts over the weekend and it still didn't happen. now I didn't get her off either, but that didn't surprise me and she said I was getting better, also not for lack of effort on my part, I loved going down on her.

There is no doubt that I am aroused by her, hell I get hard thinking about her at work, when she talks to me on the phone and even when she holds my hand. But I can't keep it up long enough to get off. Incredibly frustrating and totally my fault as there is no lack of effort on her part either.

Last night, I wanted to test an idea and watched some porn, I had no problem getting off. Problem is the porn that does it for me is pretty serious serious shit. Heavy BDSM, pain, spanking, humiliation etc. I've been into self bondage and anal play for 15 years or so and BDSM in general since I was about 15. In my fantasies I'm usually the sub, considering my issues with self confidence and self worth, this isn't too surprising.

My girlfriend is mildly receptive to me in bondage, but not really into it. I honestly don't want BDSM to be a part of my relationship. All I really want is a fairly basic romantic relationship, but my mind seems tied to this fetish. I really see BDSM as a fetish in the clinical sense and it's pretty disturbing to me.

Now to make matters worse, I don't even jack off like normal guys. My method is to put pressure (reasonably intense) at the base of my penis and then it happens. I've gotten off maybe twice using the stereotypical stroke.

I'm already seriously considering a sex therapist but I'm really looking for other suggestions.

04-29-2009, 07:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	My problem So here's the situation. I'm 34 years old and have suffered severe psoriasis all my life. Because of this, until very recently I've never had a girlfriend or even had sex. Psoriasis is a skin disease and with the severity that I had it (also until recently) has caused mental problems. My problems aren't dangerous, and in the grand scheme of things are pretty minor to what others have to deal with, but they are problems. I've had self confidence issues, intimacy issues (total lack of), severe shyness, and a general lack of self worth from a relationship stand point. I relied on porn exclusively for sexual relief and that's pretty much the problem. I'm not a porn addict, at least not what I would consider an addict. But my sexual gratification definitely seems tied to it. About 2 months ago, after a particularly bad flare up of my disease, I went to a dermatologist and got approved for some incredibly expensive, but effective treatments. Fortunately my new insurance is covering the treatments. So my life starts to progress. A couple weeks after starting treatment, I give online dating a try. I used one of the personality based sites and to my astonishment, I've met a girl that I'm pretty sure I am going to marry. This is one of those almost too good to be true situations, but it's on the level. We have so much in common it's creepy, but it is genuine. I've met her parents and friends and everything is really good. We've slept together and therein lies the problem. Here I am a 34 year old virgin and I can't get off while having sex. My interest in porn has dropped off to almost nothing and from our first time to our second time 2 weeks later, I didn't masturbate. Still no luck, several attempts over the weekend and it still didn't happen. now I didn't get her off either, but that didn't surprise me and she said I was getting better, also not for lack of effort on my part, I loved going down on her. There is no doubt that I am aroused by her, hell I get hard thinking about her at work, when she talks to me on the phone and even when she holds my hand. But I can't keep it up long enough to get off. Incredibly frustrating and totally my fault as there is no lack of effort on her part either. Last night, I wanted to test an idea and watched some porn, I had no problem getting off. Problem is the porn that does it for me is pretty serious serious shit. Heavy BDSM, pain, spanking, humiliation etc. I've been into self bondage and anal play for 15 years or so and BDSM in general since I was about 15. In my fantasies I'm usually the sub, considering my issues with self confidence and self worth, this isn't too surprising. My girlfriend is mildly receptive to me in bondage, but not really into it. I honestly don't want BDSM to be a part of my relationship. All I really want is a fairly basic romantic relationship, but my mind seems tied to this fetish. I really see BDSM as a fetish in the clinical sense and it's pretty disturbing to me. Now to make matters worse, I don't even jack off like normal guys. My method is to put pressure (reasonably intense) at the base of my penis and then it happens. I've gotten off maybe twice using the stereotypical stroke. I'm already seriously considering a sex therapist but I'm really looking for other suggestions.