I'm not quite sure where the hostility is coming from, but I am going to clear up a few of your assumptions.
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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
It is troubling, it is troubling to you. This post request is about your ego not about hers. You are troubled, you're asking for confirmation/permission to step over your normal rules of not getting involved.
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Yes, it is troubling to me. No, I am not posting this because of my ego. First of all, I made it perfectly clear that I do not interfere in other people's relationships. I was curious to hear other stories because maybe some people do feel comfort in having a controlling person around. Second, I do not come to this board to ask permission to do things. I am a grown woman and do what I please. I do come to gather insight on situations and to engage in discussion with people.
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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
You don't have any obligation to inviting him back into your house. I have had in the past, excluded friends significant others because I don't like them for whatever reasons I have.
You don't have any obligation to attending any events where he is present. If she continues to decline attending because he is not included, it is perfectly fine for you to explain your reasons.
There's nothing about having to accept someone's SO as your friend just because you're friends. It makes it easier, but it isn't a requirement of friendship.
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I am well aware of this. Thanks.
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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
If the individual changes because they "found god" would you have the same impetus to try to dissuade them from the choice they have made? Same situations, dressed trendy, partied all the time, was fun, wore make up, SO/husband misogynistic and controlling, would you have the same desires?
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I'm not sure what desires you are addressing. If a person I care about is unhappy and changes in a negative manner, I would be troubled. As to desires, I don't know what you are getting at?
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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
We aren't talking about drug abuse, we're talking about someone being an asshole and a misogynist. Again, I'll posit that the negative way may be positive to her. shesus doesn't know that and never stated that in the OP. She has not mentioned to shesus that she wants help, needs help, or doesn't like the situation she is in.
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Actually she has, which is when I asked her why she is staying. That's when I said earlier that her answers for staying revolve around 'She doesn't want to go through a break-up'. She also has made comments that she is not happy with how she has been the past few months with her appearance, but is not sure how to get it back because she looks 'like shit'.
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Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
She did not in her OP mention that she's not allowed to wear make up because E's SO said so. She did not mention in the OP that E's SO said she cannot wear trendy clothes on the request of the asshole. I'm reading what she wrote literally and specifically and not jumping ahead to other people whom I know to have been in emotionally abusive relationships.
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It seems as if this may have been the only part of my post you read literally. As far as I know, he hasn't told her that she can't be the way she was. However, emotional abuse can cause a person to have low self-esteem and a symptom of that is not caring about what you look like. Emotional abuse is not a far-fetched conclusion to draw.