BG, there is no law against being an asshole or being a misogynistic bastard. If there are no physical signs of abuse, there are no laws being broken. If there were one single blood vessel broken, I'd be in agreement with everyone else. Until that moment happens, it is unfortunate, but it is not anyone else's business until she asks for help.
I'm reiterating that statement because no one else has, in fact, people have their opinions colored by some other emotionally charged response from their own experiences that go well beyond what you've stated.
It is troubling, it is troubling to you. This post request is about your ego not about hers. You are troubled, you're asking for confirmation/permission to step over your normal rules of not getting involved.
You don't have any obligation to inviting him back into your house. I have had in the past, excluded friends significant others because I don't like them for whatever reasons I have.
You don't have any obligation to attending any events where he is present. If she continues to decline attending because he is not included, it is perfectly fine for you to explain your reasons.
There's nothing about having to accept someone's SO as your friend just because you're friends. It makes it easier, but it isn't a requirement of friendship.
If the individual changes because they "found god" would you have the same impetus to try to dissuade them from the choice they have made? Same situations, dressed trendy, partied all the time, was fun, wore make up, SO/husband misogynistic and controlling, would you have the same desires?
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Originally Posted by Taja
Gee, I thought the point to this post was quite clear. She feels troubled to see someone that she cares about, changing in a negative way, right before her eyes. And she would like to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation.
Cyn, I think your response was a little harsh. If you have a friend that you care deeply for, and that friend is falling down the path to drug or alcohol abuse... 1) would you at least try to help in some way? 2) would you be troubled by watching them change in a negative way?
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We aren't talking about drug abuse, we're talking about someone being an asshole and a misogynist. Again, I'll posit that the negative way may be positive to her. shesus doesn't know that and never stated that in the OP. She has not mentioned to shesus that she wants help, needs help, or doesn't like the situation she is in.
She did not in her OP mention that she's not allowed to wear make up because E's SO said so. She did not mention in the OP that E's SO said she cannot wear trendy clothes on the request of the asshole. I'm reading what she wrote literally and specifically and not jumping ahead to other people whom I know to have been in emotionally abusive relationships.
To answer your other question having had someone but into my life for such a reason, I do take umbrage from time to time on it usually when I had a rough week and would like to sit and have a beer just like any other person. Otherwise, it was a problem that was affecting my wife whom asked for assistance from friends, for that I'm grateful that I had caring friends who assisted my wife when she asked for help.
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.