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Controlling men almost always graduate to physical abuse. If he isn't hitting her, he's doing something else to punish her when she steps out of line. For some guys it's degrading comments. For others, it's withdrawing emotionally and withholding affection and/or sex. Some do it with money, others with their fists. Doesn't matter what he's hitting her with, it's still abuse.
But it isn't quite as clear to the person involved. Her boundaries have been so completely erased by this guy, she'd have trouble recognizing acceptable limits now. Her focus is on him, where he likes it. It needs to be, because that's how he keeps her from thinking about how she feels about any of this. She's walking on eggshells and concentrating on not setting him off, she's forgotten that she has needs to.
All you can do is encourage her to remember how *she* feels. "How does it feel when he does that? Do you think that's good for you?" And warn her about when she leaves. Guys like that can turn dangerous when they lose their control over someone.
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"Never regret something that once made you smile."
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