MauiMensch

I just had a friend visit from out of town. He is a deep thinker and is constantly analyzing his circumstances and trying to figure out what's wrong with it and what could be better. He applies this thinking to his girlfriends as well and he seems to constantly be ending relationships because of some problem he's found with them. Even if some trait of hers isn't currently an issue, he might decide that someday it will be an issue, so he ends the relationship.

The problem is, his "thinking style" has rubbed off on me a little to the point where I'm wondering if I should constantly be comparing my life, my wife, to "what could be". As of 4 years ago, I began to shun this thinking style because I found that it leads to unhappiness. But now, I want to know what other people -who are in committed relationships- think and do. Do you constantly compare your partner to other people?* Or do you constantly look for ways to appreciate your partner and your unique relationship?

I currently do the latter, but my friend made me feel like maybe I didn't put enough "logical thought" into the process of "selecting" a mate. He made me feel like maybe I'm being too acquiescent and that I'm settling too easily. Really, I think I'm in the right and he's in the wrong. I think that you ought to appreciate what you got and live as happy a life as you can with what you got. This whole capitalistic idea of bettering your circumstances shouldn't apply to people, should it? I don't think relationships work that way. I think the whole capitalistic idea of constantly trying to improve your situation can lead to unhappiness, because you have to be grounded in a fundamental belief that where you are is not satisfactory. I'm getting off topic. I just would appreciate some reassurance from anyone who knows what I'm talking about and/or who's in a committed relationship. Thanks in advance.