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It's important to offer praise when it's appropriate--it helps kids to develop self-efficacy, the belief that they can try new things and be successful at them. But we ought to let kids know what success really is, and when they've fallen short of the mark. However, our benchmarks for success should be realistic and developmentally appropriate.
I think that's one of the major issues--knowledge about child development should be more publicly available and more widespread, and parents and educators should have a better idea of what is developmentally appropriate for a child.
One of the things I see now and again in my line of work are children who think it's okay to cheat. Their parents have allowed them to modify the rules of games so that they win, or parents haven't played fairly so that the child is always allowed to win. I am a stickler for following the rules in games--I think it's a slippery slope best avoided. Children ought to learn that rules are in place for a reason, and that they won't always win. Last spring I cared for a child who was playing teeball in a city league wherein they didn't keep score, but he always knew the score, and whether they had won or lost. What's the point in not keeping score? Children have to learn to deal with losing. We all fail on the path to success. I think it's really important that kids fail occasionally and learn to handle failure. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't learned to get back up and dust myself off.
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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