I just have to add first, after I finished my own post I re-read and find this thread extremely touching. All the very personal (albeit anonymous) stories that have been shared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xazy
She plays favorites, totally manipulative, narcissistic, plays the martyr role, has down the Jewish guilt.
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Minus being Jewish, this is my mother to a T. She met my Dad while 16 and pregnant in a catholic "facility" for unwed mothers where she was forced by my grandparents to go and give up her baby. Dad stood by her through it all and after the baby was adopted out, married her. I came along a couple of months after they married ('71 baby!, I was almost a girl bastard
) My sister came along 5 yrs later.
My Mom was an absolutely loving and affectionate parent, but was an irresponsible free-spirit (hippie, but it wouldn't have mattered with her what era). I think her emotional maturity completely halted when she became pregnant at 16. She never, ever became a responsible parent. Sitting in her lap cuddling while she sang to a Joni Mitchell album? Check. Waking up to breakfast and a packed lunchbox? Not a chance.
She had a "nervous breakdown" when I was 12 but anyone in the know would tell you it was just a stunt for attention. She really does suffer from depression and anxiety, the rest is absolutely calculated. Much more munipulative and bullshit behavior that is Jerry Springer worthy, until my father finally left and divorced her when I was 17 (my Dad's a PhD, he stuck around for us kids, not smart in hindsight). Since then, more of the same early on, it has gotten considerably better over the intervening 20 yrs. BUT, she just refuses to aknowledge that she never was much of a parent to begin with.
She was never abusive as a parent but she was never responsible as one either. She just doesn't understand the disconnect between me, my sister and herself. She lives in her own little land and doesn't understand why we love her but don't LIKE her. Therefore, since we both live across state from her, we are subject to constant guilt-trip phone messages from her crying "I miss you, please call me". If only they were that short, tack on 3 more min. of babble... It really sucks loving someone enough to feel responsible to the relationship but not liking them much.
To complicate my emotions, my only child died almost 16 yrs. ago and I understand her heartache because her children are still alive.
Geez, sorry for the novel. I had so much more to say (I have always said I could write a book about my mother!) but I stopped myself.