Thread: Addiction
View Single Post
Old 03-08-2009, 09:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
Acetylene
Addict
 
Location: under a rock
I also zeroed in on the use of the word "training" regarding your fiancee's sexual desires.

There may be an undercurrent of dominance/submission in the relationship here. Many people enjoy controlling their partner's sexual fulfillment, which is fine as long as both parties are complicit. Mybe take a little time to think about the power and control aspects of pornography and of your relationship to see how big of a component it is. If it's a big one, you can satisfy that urge in a way that might be more fun for your partner, assuming she likes it too.

If you decide to give up porn (and I think it's a good idea considering your self-proclaimed addiction) then you need to seal yourself away from it.

When you are on a diet, you don't buy a cake and leave it on the kitchen table - or if you do, you shouldn't be surprised when you get hungry and eat it. No, to succeed at your diet you fill your house with healthy food and stay away from the temptation of junk food. When you are addicted to drugs, the first thing you have to do is get away from your using friends, your seller, and all your paraphrenalia, or else you will have too much temptation and give in.

Rather than rely entirely on your own willpower here and setting yourself up for failure, put controls into place that will make it harder to get the porn. Consider cancelling your home internet access. I know, it seems like going without oxygen, but you can use the internet at work for email and other important stuff and just watch TV or play games at home. You will not only be safer from porn but you will find yourself with many more hours in the day

If you can't bear to be without internet access, then install parental controls on your computer and give your fiancee the passwords. Let her support you here. You've mentioned you like the subterfuge involved in "hacking" your porn so this may not help much, as you may enjoy trying to hack your control software, but it could be worth a try. Anything you can do to help yourself is worth it.

You could also set up two user accounts o your computer - one with internet, and one without. The one without internet is yours, the other your finacee's. When you want to use the internet, have her log in as herself and let you use her account for a while. Since it's her account, you will be under supervision and not free to indulge yourself.

Whatever method you choose, make sure you know that it is your choice to do this, and do not fall into the trap of blaming your loved ones for trying to help you. Don't yell at her if she tries to remind you that you shouldn't be downloading that video of triple penetration - she's HELPING.

Finally, if it turns out that you don't REALLY want to give it up. then find yourself a girl who doesn't want sex. Many, many men bemoan having married a women who will never have sex with them - find one of those girls and enjoy being non-sexual romantic partners. But don't torture your poor fiancee by dangling a promise to quit in front of her eyes if you don't really mean it.
__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.
Acetylene is offline  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360