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It really sucks when you realize you're doing something harmful to yourself but enjoy it immensely. You're going to have to be mean to yourself and spend plenty of time forcing yourself to not do it. It's worth a try, especially if you say she's that important to you. Life will suck for some time, but hopefully on the other side of it you'll look back and be glad you did it.
I'd try therapy...but I think the solution to this issue is in you. I have felt similarly, about things I may do myself that aren't helping me. It's really tough to contradict what has become second nature to you. Good luck.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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