Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - damage from sexually abusive relationships

Hyacinthe · 02-26-2009, 01:48 AM

Unfortunately rape is one of those things that does seem to be happening more and more often and it's also one of those things that changes a person forever.

There's really nothing you can do to comfort someone after you've been told they've been sexually abused, you don't want to hug them because maybe that will bring back the memories you don't want to not touch them because maybe they'll take that to mean that you're disgusted by them now that you know ( and yes there are people out there who react that way)

All you can do is sit there and make soothing noises which to you soom completely empty of meaning and hope that they realise how much you love and care for them.

Believe it or not that actually does help

As for why she went so long without saying anything - it's shame becase you should have known better, you should never have gotten into that circumstance, you should have fought harder

that's what goes through the head of a rape victim, no matter how much everyone (including yourself) tells you that it's not your fault there's a little voice in the back of your head telling you all the ways that it IS your fault.

Or it could be fear that the person you tell will abandon you, that it's too much drama, that they'll look at you and see nothing but a victim or worse someone dirty, broken, used.

It can take years to get over rape, to stop hating yourself, your family and friends (when they try to comfort you - because they just DON'T understand) and you hate yourself even more for being so angry and hurt towards them then you do for allowing it to happen.

Then if you decide to take legal action there the Dr's procedures, rape kits, statements, being itnerrogated by the police and lawyers time and time again to make sure your story doesn't change. The anger held towards you by the person friends and family (which can be crippling if you were in a relationship before hand)

It's so much worse if you were in a relationship before hand, if it's someone you knew because then you spend months asking yourself what you missed, there must have been some sign that the person you let become that close to you was capable of hurting you so much.

For years after my rape I couldn't bear to be touched by anyone male, for some people it's the exact opposite, you want to prove to yourself that you can still have sex, that whoever raped you hasn't ruined you.

I promise for those of you that have been through it that it does get better, the longer you have to change yourself from the person you were then. To become stronger. It begins to become something that happened rather then the raw gaping wound through your psyche that it first is. Eventually you even stop being afraid of every shadow, every noise.

Don't expect too much from yourself too soon though. Give yourself the time you need to heal, and ignore anyone that tells you you're not healing fast enough for them, whether it be the person you love, a doctor, a lawyer or a psychologist / psychiatrist. None of them are YOU, none of them know what's going on in your head, none of them know how much you're hurting.

Keep hope and remember you're not alone.

02-26-2009, 01:48 AM	#9 (permalink)
Hyacinthe Psycho Location: Australia	Unfortunately rape is one of those things that does seem to be happening more and more often and it's also one of those things that changes a person forever. There's really nothing you can do to comfort someone after you've been told they've been sexually abused, you don't want to hug them because maybe that will bring back the memories you don't want to not touch them because maybe they'll take that to mean that you're disgusted by them now that you know ( and yes there are people out there who react that way) All you can do is sit there and make soothing noises which to you soom completely empty of meaning and hope that they realise how much you love and care for them. Believe it or not that actually does help As for why she went so long without saying anything - it's shame becase you should have known better, you should never have gotten into that circumstance, you should have fought harder that's what goes through the head of a rape victim, no matter how much everyone (including yourself) tells you that it's not your fault there's a little voice in the back of your head telling you all the ways that it IS your fault. Or it could be fear that the person you tell will abandon you, that it's too much drama, that they'll look at you and see nothing but a victim or worse someone dirty, broken, used. It can take years to get over rape, to stop hating yourself, your family and friends (when they try to comfort you - because they just DON'T understand) and you hate yourself even more for being so angry and hurt towards them then you do for allowing it to happen. Then if you decide to take legal action there the Dr's procedures, rape kits, statements, being itnerrogated by the police and lawyers time and time again to make sure your story doesn't change. The anger held towards you by the person friends and family (which can be crippling if you were in a relationship before hand) It's so much worse if you were in a relationship before hand, if it's someone you knew because then you spend months asking yourself what you missed, there must have been some sign that the person you let become that close to you was capable of hurting you so much. For years after my rape I couldn't bear to be touched by anyone male, for some people it's the exact opposite, you want to prove to yourself that you can still have sex, that whoever raped you hasn't ruined you. I promise for those of you that have been through it that it does get better, the longer you have to change yourself from the person you were then. To become stronger. It begins to become something that happened rather then the raw gaping wound through your psyche that it first is. Eventually you even stop being afraid of every shadow, every noise. Don't expect too much from yourself too soon though. Give yourself the time you need to heal, and ignore anyone that tells you you're not healing fast enough for them, whether it be the person you love, a doctor, a lawyer or a psychologist / psychiatrist. None of them are YOU, none of them know what's going on in your head, none of them know how much you're hurting. Keep hope and remember you're not alone. __________________ "I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own" "Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."