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Yeah, I want to, but I don't know how. I think I'll try the online dating sites, but I'll make sure the girl is close to me this time. It wasn't my fault this girl kept telling me that they were moving down here a month after we online-met, but was pushed till this July.
Anyways, she called me today. She was really crying, and she usually has a monotone type voice where she doesn't show emotion, but she was crying, pausing a lot, and had an uneasy tone in her voice. The summary of it is that she "needs" to feel closeness with somebody. Ever since her 1 night stand at 18, she's felt she's needed to feel close with somebody. That's why she wants to go on dates and hang out with guys and stuff... She said she still loves me, and she needs space until she's able to come down here in July, and if I haven't found anybody, she wants to be with me and give me a try. She wants me to date and be happy...
She also made it seem like I'm too perfect for her. She said that I don't have a past, and she does, that I've done everything right and she hasn't... I thought doing what I did in life, waiting for the right person, was a good thing... I guess it really fucked me over in the end.
So, I guess I'm going to try to move on. I want to start to be normal. I want to ask random girls at my school if they want to be my friend right out of the blue. I want to date women. I want to accept that I'm not terribly ugly, only slightly. I don't know how to do this or how to start, but I must.
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