Mirth

Thanks for your response Crompsin, your posts always bring a smile to my face. I'm in a phase now where that I'm starting to realize that sometimesthings just aren't meant to be and to just move on, but in this phase I'm also feeling I want her still so badly... I have so much homework and I'm not doing so well in my classes, and the past few days I keep trying to do my homework but I just can't focus; I really need this phase to end soon.

I really have no good pics of me doing anything interesting... And it's not like I can like take a fake photo of myself doing something interesting, haha. I only have a stupid webcam on my laptop if that says anything. e-harmony mostly sucks for me due to the prices, it's just sooo expensive. But I will give the other two you mentioned a go, if I can find a way to get a good picture of me somehow.

In the profile though, I don't know if I should put a disclaimer that I've never had a girlfriend or a kiss and whatnot; as in, no relationship experience. Like, I really hate and feel awkward when someone asks when was my first girlfriend or kiss, and I have to tell em never. So I don't know if I should have it as a warning ahead of time...



-----Added 15/2/2009 at 10 : 27 : 11-----
Edit: Ugh, this sucks...

I wanted to say one last goodbye to her this morning in texting, for closure. So I said "Hey" and said happy 6-month anniversary (Which is today) and she said "you too". She said she got the message I sent to her last night about being jealous that she was hanging out with someone she might pursue, but I told her of course I'm going to be jealous, it's human nature, and of course I'm wondered if she wanted to pursue him further. She said "Do you want to know if I do?" I said, Well I'm curious to know, but not because I'm worried. She said "Ok... then you will be the first to know.", as if, she doesn't even know yet. I asked her if she could tell me what her feelings are toward me now. She said "I still love you but im just frustrated and i need space from us."

And I really do believe that she means it... If she was trying to just let me go slowly, she'd never mention that she loves me still, because that would want me to keep hanging on. I believe this girl with all of my heart, and I don't know what to do...

I'm typing up a letter to her, telling her how much I loved her, and telling me that I don't have time for her to think about it, I need to know soon whether to move on or not.

Even whilst all this, I still want to date. So yeah, I wanted HER to be my first kiss, my first fuck, my first love, and she only got the last one from me. And she really, really appreciates that I've never been with anyone before, and I've always wanted someone to appreciate what I feel I've worked hard for in life.

So basically, I don't know whether to end it with her all together, or to put her on the backburner and still try to find a date.

I'm just so confused on what to do now. I hope that sounds like the right thing.