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dd3953 · 02-11-2009, 03:20 PM

I just got done watching a TED talk by AJ Jacobs about his book The Year Living Biblically - a friend of mine is reading it, so I though I'd watch. That's how I found the link for this article. I searched TFP because I figured someone was talking about it, and look, quite a few someones have. And I'm happy I took the time to read the whole thing.

I'm not sure being radically honest is an excuse for being rude. There are ways to be direct and honest without being rude. Granted, I am still learning, I have little of the thing called 'tact.' And I agree with Crompsin's point that society is looking for reasons to be polite. The whole movement towards being politically correct is the first thing to come to mind.

Nor do I think that being honest is self-gratification. When Jacobs told the old man his poetry was good, who was hurt? The old man is going to send that to people, share, and when someone tells him the truth, how is he going to feel?

I see no problem with telling someone they are fat, if they asked. Now, I'm not just going to run around saying rude shit to people, but if you ask my opinion, it's my duty to tell you. Not to make me feel better, but to give you an honest answer.

I didn't think on the situation as deeply as Willravel, but what he says makes sense, honestly, with YOURSELF, will lead to better you. But I also think it'll make it easier for you to be honest with others without being rude or condescending.

I grow up in the household where honesty was not discussed, it was expected. If someone smelled bad, you told them. If you didn't like what they were doing, you said something. If you felt some type of way about something and didn't say something, it was your fault. People I meet (and am friends with) say that I am blunt, of topic, and often rude, but they know that I am saying what I understand to be the truth and that my goal is not to hurt anyone. And when I am honest with them, they return the favor, I have very few friendships, but the ones I have are built on true communication.
These very same people say that I should "think more' before I speak. I change topics instead of saying I'm bored, I talk about sex something like every 8 minutes, and I speak what's on my mind, and don't when there's nothing there.

What I found interesting was A.J.'s willingness to be honest in some situations, but not all. I can't help but wonder how we are taught, so quietly, when to join in the social convention of "white lies?" And if it's all born from our desire to be "liked" by those around us. Because, while I am honesty, it's only about 89%* of the time. The other 11%* is ruled by the desire to follow social convention.

I agree with Sapiens. Not only is it easiest for me when talking to a family member or friend, but how much worth is there in telling a acquaintance or stranger? People I could care less about get about 9% of the lies I tell.
Crompsin, when my best friends or sisters are looking for comfort lies, they don't call me. But I do agree that we are conditioned to be deceptive.

QuasiMondo - I wonder if truth is nothing but an opinion, a point of view, in the realm of everyday life. It's not like we have 100s of studies that we can carry around with us and use as proof to back up our understanding of truth. But if we can keep our minds open and can listen to what someone else labels their truth, we open ourselves up to changing our understanding of the topic, no matter what it might be. The truth is not unchanging.

Baraka, our words do have power, and everything should have a purpose, but what type of power do lies have? And can that power outweigh the purpose?

Analog, I appreciate your post (#40) because you saw what I did, and that's what I try to do. Not always I am I given the opportunity to make it to "statement 2' but when I do a pretty good conversation usually follows.
I think there is a difference between your examples.

'Your's dressed like an idiot' calls the other person out and makes them feel some type of way. While 'The way you've dressed yourself is ludicrous and I'm embarrassed to be here with you' focuses on the speaker and allows the other person a change to understand where you are coming from. It also allows for a conversation that is born from yelling.

Ustwo, (post 45) LOL, that is the world we are living in. Maybe that's why Blanton wrote his book.

Mixedmedia - "Most of it is just useless bullshit and isn't deserving of the importance we place on it or the energy that is expended to push it out of our mouths." That's how I feel about lies, in all sizes, and beating around the bush. It's too much energy. If I ask you how I did, don't waste time on the "compliment sandwich;" I am grateful for the things I did 'well" but I need to know what you think can be done better, I'm asking for a reason. If we are discussing something, I want to know what you really think, not what you think I want to hear, or you agreeing with me because it's easy. These are some of the things I were I think brutal, radical, blunt honesty needs to be practiced.

After this, I might have been sold. I'm going to find a copy of his book Radical Honesty. While I might agree to give up my 11%* of lies, I'm sure I'll learn something.

*numbers were made up of the top of my head, and are as close to the truth as I can see.
**excuse me for not quoting people, but i'm lazy.

02-11-2009, 03:20 PM	#90 (permalink)
dd3953 Psycho: By Choice Location: dd.land	I just got done watching a TED talk by AJ Jacobs about his book The Year Living Biblically - a friend of mine is reading it, so I though I'd watch. That's how I found the link for this article. I searched TFP because I figured someone was talking about it, and look, quite a few someones have. And I'm happy I took the time to read the whole thing. I'm not sure being radically honest is an excuse for being rude. There are ways to be direct and honest without being rude. Granted, I am still learning, I have little of the thing called 'tact.' And I agree with Crompsin's point that society is looking for reasons to be polite. The whole movement towards being politically correct is the first thing to come to mind. Nor do I think that being honest is self-gratification. When Jacobs told the old man his poetry was good, who was hurt? The old man is going to send that to people, share, and when someone tells him the truth, how is he going to feel? I see no problem with telling someone they are fat, if they asked. Now, I'm not just going to run around saying rude shit to people, but if you ask my opinion, it's my duty to tell you. Not to make me feel better, but to give you an honest answer. I didn't think on the situation as deeply as Willravel, but what he says makes sense, honestly, with YOURSELF, will lead to better you. But I also think it'll make it easier for you to be honest with others without being rude or condescending. I grow up in the household where honesty was not discussed, it was expected. If someone smelled bad, you told them. If you didn't like what they were doing, you said something. If you felt some type of way about something and didn't say something, it was your fault. People I meet (and am friends with) say that I am blunt, of topic, and often rude, but they know that I am saying what I understand to be the truth and that my goal is not to hurt anyone. And when I am honest with them, they return the favor, I have very few friendships, but the ones I have are built on true communication. These very same people say that I should "think more' before I speak. I change topics instead of saying I'm bored, I talk about sex something like every 8 minutes, and I speak what's on my mind, and don't when there's nothing there. What I found interesting was A.J.'s willingness to be honest in some situations, but not all. I can't help but wonder how we are taught, so quietly, when to join in the social convention of "white lies?" And if it's all born from our desire to be "liked" by those around us. Because, while I am honesty, it's only about 89%* of the time. The other 11%* is ruled by the desire to follow social convention. I agree with Sapiens. Not only is it easiest for me when talking to a family member or friend, but how much worth is there in telling a acquaintance or stranger? People I could care less about get about 9% of the lies I tell. Crompsin, when my best friends or sisters are looking for comfort lies, they don't call me. But I do agree that we are conditioned to be deceptive. QuasiMondo - I wonder if truth is nothing but an opinion, a point of view, in the realm of everyday life. It's not like we have 100s of studies that we can carry around with us and use as proof to back up our understanding of truth. But if we can keep our minds open and can listen to what someone else labels their truth, we open ourselves up to changing our understanding of the topic, no matter what it might be. The truth is not unchanging. Baraka, our words do have power, and everything should have a purpose, but what type of power do lies have? And can that power outweigh the purpose? Analog, I appreciate your post (#40) because you saw what I did, and that's what I try to do. Not always I am I given the opportunity to make it to "statement 2' but when I do a pretty good conversation usually follows. I think there is a difference between your examples. 'Your's dressed like an idiot' calls the other person out and makes them feel some type of way. While 'The way you've dressed yourself is ludicrous and I'm embarrassed to be here with you' focuses on the speaker and allows the other person a change to understand where you are coming from. It also allows for a conversation that is born from yelling. Ustwo, (post 45) LOL, that is the world we are living in. Maybe that's why Blanton wrote his book. Mixedmedia - "Most of it is just useless bullshit and isn't deserving of the importance we place on it or the energy that is expended to push it out of our mouths." That's how I feel about lies, in all sizes, and beating around the bush. It's too much energy. If I ask you how I did, don't waste time on the "compliment sandwich;" I am grateful for the things I did 'well" but I need to know what you think can be done better, I'm asking for a reason. If we are discussing something, I want to know what you really think, not what you think I want to hear, or you agreeing with me because it's easy. These are some of the things I were I think brutal, radical, blunt honesty needs to be practiced. After this, I might have been sold. I'm going to find a copy of his book Radical Honesty. While I might agree to give up my 11%* of lies, I'm sure I'll learn something. numbers were made up of the top of my head, and are as close to the truth as I can see. *excuse me for not quoting people, but i'm lazy. __________________ [Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]