Rainforest research:
1. Before touching or leaning on a tree, check it thoroughly.
2. If the specimen you're holding looks like it's breaking free of the forceps, drop both of them. This will cost you one data point. Failing to drop them in time will cost you many data points, as well as a good deal of pain.
3. Always carry a flashlight with you. It's easy to get delayed, and the forest gets dark fast.
4. Those tiny points of light in your flashlight beam aren't dewdrops, they're spider eyes.
5. Don't even try to stay dry; wear clothes that dry quickly once it stops raining.
6. Your sense of smell can save you a great deal of trouble.
7. A 3-inch deep puddle looks the same as a 3-foot deep puddle.
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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.
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