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My Bloody Valentine 3D - 7/10
While it doesn't even come close to the original, it doesn't really try. This remake decided early on that it was a campy slasher and stuck with that, taking extra energy to create rude, offensive, gory slasher magic. A few plot holes aside, it's a well-built little vehicle, and while I figured out the plot twist early on, I imagine casual moviegoers will be surprised to the very end. Oh, and a midget gets slammed into a ceiling light via pickaxe.
Frontier(s) - 7/10
I thought I wasn't going to like this movie. Indeed, the beginning left me rather bored. Bank robbers on the run meet a crazy family? Boooring. Girl is taken by evil neo-nazis to help them breed? I'm interested. All-out gory vengeance? HELLZ YEAH! The gore is extreme (though I don't think it warrants an NC-17, which the MPAA felt compelled to slap on it) and the little pregnant girl absolutely made the movie for me. My only real complaint is that the camerawork feels like it was done by a pedestrian cinematographer trying to look like he worked for MTV, and the story isn't anything special.
Heaven's Gate - 5/10
No wonder Michael Cimino's career went down the drain. Somewhere in this pile of rubbish there lies a brilliant movie, but the ridiculous amount of intellectual filler tears the whole damn thing down. What the fuck was the point of John Hurt's character? Why did they feel the need to show real cockfights? What does the ending even mean and why do certain final act events feel lifted from On Her Majesty's Secret Service? Why was there A FUCKING INTERMISSION?!! This doesn't need to be a 3 1/2 hour movie! And perhaps the biggest question: How did Cimino manage to fuck up a project with Christopher Walken, Kris Kristofferson, Jeff Bridges, Brad Dourif, Mickey Rourke, Sam Waterston, John Hurt, Isabelle Huppert, and Terry O'Quinn?!! SERIOUSLY!!
Oh, and thanks for fucking over directors ever since, Mike.
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It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay.
M.B. Keene
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