Quote:
Originally Posted by nooly
the fact that you frame female reluctance towards sex as 'withholding...as punishment or as a weapon' indicates a certain level of immaturity in your outlook which is amply reflected in the rest of your post.
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Immaturity from who? Oh, yeah... from sex partners who wanna play emotional chess.
I disagree with your conclusion. People aren't that smart. We often use our partner's weaknesses against them like petty little children who know the right names to call our enemies to hurt them, ya big loser-face. Despite the fact that every sex therapist, shrink, TeeVee doctor, and magazine from Cosmo to Men's Health says that partners on the rocks shouldn't cut off sex activities, women sometimes do it anyway because they figure it's a real attention-getter for the man in their life. I could be wrong, I read somewhere that women enjoy sex as much as men despite the fact that their urges are more emotional instead of more "animal."
Sex-B-Gone! Oh, it's an attention-getter, alright... the wrong f'n kind. It's the kind of situation that makes the guy think he's being cheated on, that there are deep psychological issues at play beyond just the bullshit excuse of "I'm not 100% happy," and that he'd be better staying single next time instead of turning his access to intimacy from mutual desire into a bloody Rorschach test every goddamn time. The frustration of having a partner who shuts down physically as well as emotionally is devastating. It is my belief that a prolonged lack of physical affection in a relationship is simply the "turned off" partner creating an emotional buffer so they don't feel as bad when they spread the good news of,
"You're single again! Yay! Now here's some trash bags for your worldly possessions! Kthxbai!"
It's one thing to feel like crap about a relationship and tell your partner that you're not happy because of x, y, z... but when you treat your partner like you've already kicked them to the curb and they've not been formally clued in as to why, that's
immature.
If I've learned one thing from TFP since I've been here: "When the sex goes, so should you."
-----Added 18/1/2009 at 12 : 03 : 06-----
Quote:
Originally Posted by high_jinx
i'm horrified by how emasculated men have become in general. sure, every relationship has it's individual traits and every couple will get various different things they need out of being with each other. that said, the whole point of a relationship is abstaining from sex with everyone else so that the 2 of you can grow more intimate emotionally in a secure environment. with that comes a responsibility to fullfill your partners needs. otherwise, why commit?
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Maybe it is that simple when you're 20-30-maybe-40. I like emotional stuff in my relationships and I reinforce that desire for connection with physical affection. "I like you. I'm giving you a hug." Just sometimes hug is changed out with "oral sex."
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I wouldn't say "abstaining from sex." I'd say "abstaining from desire." That's the goal, anyway. To settle for one person.
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See, men have been "emasculated" because having balls is politically incorrect.
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The problem with that "responsibility to fulfill your partner's needs" thing is that a lot of us are self-centered quitters out here. "I'm not getting what I want and I don't care what my partner has done for me because it doesn't really matter."
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Stereotypes be damned. Men want sex and women don't know what the hell they want.