Haha, yes, that's the exact HSF I have and that's exactly what I expected when I bought this. But there's a metal bracket GLUED to the UNDERSIDE of the mobo ("under" the ZIF socket) that puts threaded screw holes (not even making this up haha) where those holes are.
I grew some balls, and no joke, I just ripped the shit off. Blasted it with some more sticks. It was the most intense thing I've done in a while
The computer now works and is happy once again. Now let's just see how well it games :-D