levite and hyacinthe couldn't have said it any better.
i would also like to add that it seems from your post that you are doing this mostly for him, to save your marriage. you need to do this for YOURSELF. you need to find some internal motivation to work through this, and really want it. it's ok to not have a big sex drive, i'm not suggesting that you aren't normal or that you should fix your sex drive... but you should certainly find a reason for yourself to work through these anxieties, because they aren't going to change until you deal with them, no matter what 'right' partner you may have.. self exploration is always a good indication of personal evolution and not settling for complacency. so good job for taking this first steps..
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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin
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