scared25

I need some advice and insight, and I 'm really hoping that people on this forum will be able to help. I feel that I'm in the midst of committing relationship suicide. I'm married to a fantastic, supportive man for nearly 8 years. Our relationship is strong in all but one part: our sex life.

The issue is that I simply am not interested in having sex, but the curious thing is that when we do have sex, I really enjoy it! We often go weeks at a time without doing anything. My husband tries to discuss it with me, but that conversation typically ends w/ me in tears, hyperventilating, feeling guilty and horrible about myself, and what I'm doing to him and our relationship.

I have seen a sex therapist about this, and learned from those sessions that I make the decision to want a fulfilling sexual relationship in order to"fix" this. I do want to attain this goal (more so that it's no longer a black cloud hanging over me and my relationship, if I'm being honest), and yet I don't do what needs to be done in order to attain this goal.

Right now, I'm desperate, frustrated and deeply scared that I'm going to lose my husband, as I'm not sure what else to do in order to convince myself that sex must be part of my life; that sex is fun & positive; that this is something that I want.

As some background, I've never been abused, I have depression and am on anti-depressants, which I realize can negatively impact one's sex drive; and the lack of sex life has plagued our marriage from the beginning.

One of my biggest problems is that I don't view sex positively, in fact, it feels like a chore. It's a subject that has become so imbedded in negativity that I avoid thinking about it. In fact, sex just doesn't naturally come to mind as part of my life - I hope that makes sense....

Any suggestions of things that I can do to make sex a positive part of my life would be appreciated.

Thank you!