Quote:
Originally Posted by cajeff
Well, I've been a reader but none poster on this forum for awhile but now I need help so here I am.
Statistics...
Me 23, Her 23
7 years together
Our first few years together we would have sex several times a day and in every place imaginable, ie bjs in cars, theatres, parks, etc... As time moved on it became 5-7 times a week with a day in between every now and then, perfectly fine. Lately, it has become 2-3 times a week at best and nothing during that time of the month, a bj or handjob if I'm lucky.
As a young guy I have a high sex drive and find that it seriously affects my sleep, mood and daily life if I do not have something (sex, bj, handjob, etc..) once a day, or at least more often than now. I have talked to my girlfriend about this and she just says I am a nymph, I say I am a young male and its natural.
I recieved an email with a link to a sex drive article from her with a personal message attached saying 'This is a really long article, but I'd like you to unerstand the part about showing affection without the pressure of having sex. And how that is a type of fore play that women need for good sexual desire. It also explains that to men sex is their way of showing affection and connecting, which is what you've been saying. But I need you to meet me in the middle and realize that putting pressure on me makes me draw away from you and not want to touch or cuddle with you. I know that it's not just sex to you, but it becomes just sex to me without that "innocent" touching.
I love you honey. I want to fix this between us.'
Now here is where the problem comes in...She has mentioned all of this before, so I have tried many times. Not mentioning sex or sexual acts for weeks at a time. The result is that we have sex a 2-3 times a week, and after a few weeks of this I really need more and mention that fact and the arguing starts all over again. Sex is not only a way for me to feel connected to her but I cannot sleep without it. Masturbating doesn't do much, as it's the connection I really want.
What I'm I to do when she says not to mention it and I will get more, so I don't mention it and recieve the same amount (2-3 times a week). I should mention that it is not like I am not satisfying her, she typically has 2-4 orgasms each time we have sex. When I have to wait I do not feel connected to her because it is more the satisfying of the buildup at that point and I end up cumming quicker because it has been a few days.
Sorry for writing a novel...Opinions please?
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Seeing as I happen to be one of the few who bothered to read the original post before responding, I'll tell you what would have been the standard answer that people used to give around here before the norm became dog-piling on a new member who happened to ask a fair question: communicate.
As ratbastid *used* to say, the first sign of trouble in a relationship is a sudden change in the frequency of sex.
Talk with her. At the foundation of every solid relationship is good communication skills. From the sounds of it, something is going on there that she just isn't comfortable saying. You need to let her know that it's okay for her to be honest and talk about it. She may not open up completely right away, but it's the only way to resolve this. Bottling everything up, for either and/or both of you, is a sure path towards resentment and further problems down the road.
Yes, the mass of postings saying you won't always get laid because you've got a hard-on are correct, but from the sounds of it, you already knew that, you just want to figure out what happened, and that's fair to ask as it's a sudden and unexpected change.
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And now, an off-topic rant about the rest of this thread. I can't even begin to express the level of disappointment I have in this thread right now, but I'm not the least bit surprised. I've been on this site for a long time, at least twice as long as many who like to wax nostalgic about, "the good old days." When the hell did every post become one giant circle-jerk where the entire purpose was for everyone to pounce on the new members who happen to ask a question that doesn't fit into the group-think's narrow world view?
It's these sorts of attack posts on newer members that continue to alienate new members and drive long standing ones away in disgust. You don't agree with the guy, fine, say so, but don't beat and belittle him into the ground and then continue to stomp on him.
That's why I don't bother posting much any more. Seems kind of futile to be the only one who wants to bother to help people while everyone else seems to enjoy ripping them to shreds just to feel better about themselves.