I think too many of us assume that the other woman would be into guys. Most lesbians aren't the dyed-blond, fake-nailed, stiletto-wearing fantasies that seem to be popular. Why do we assume that our gf/wife's lover is bisexual?
Also, this asks "what if we caught her cheating?" The key word is cheating. If it were all cool, don't you think she would have asked first? Personally, I'd assume she would be in the process of leaving me for this woman. True, it might not be that bad. Maybe she was just experimenting and was too embarrassed to talk to me about her desire. Whatever. I just wouldn't think it is always a good thing just because of fantasies of threesomes. This isn't necessarily an automatic threesome.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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