Hyacinthe

For me submission is more then a kink - it is something I NEED. The first time I took my role as a sub and let myself put my entire heart and mind and soul into someone elses hands was such a release, it was something I had been looking for my entire life but had never realised exactly how deep that need ran. It was the type of happiness and bliss that balls up in a knot in the centre of your chest and brings tears to your eyes but you can't stop smiling.

You guys and girls probably know me alot better then most of the people that know me in real life, you know I am human that I have weaknesses and insecurities, that I have problems just like everyone else.

People that know me face to face don't always realise this, to them they see the good job, good relationship and the outwardly happy face. They see something more then they are. My friends will often commiserate over the issues in their life and then look at me and ask why I hang around with them when my life seems so much better then theirs, that everything is working for me.

In some ways that's great but in others it's terrible because unwittingly by expecting my life to be as good as they think it is they put pressure on me to have that perfect life. To be strong and in control all the time, even when all I want to do is curl up in a bath tub full of bubbles and have a good cry I feel that I can't. On top of that is the guilt from not being as good and wonderful as everyone seems to think I am.

When I assume my submissive role, all of that just falls away. I am allowed to be weak, I can cry and scream and just feel for that period of time and I know that my Dom will always be there to catch me, physically, mentally or emotionally. I know that I'm really truly safe.

I can just give all my fears and worries, all the pressure I feel is sometimes to much to bear, into the arms of another.

Do I always get an orgasm out of it - no, sometimes the entire point is that I don't. To me submission is about more then getting sexual release it is about acknowledging a part of my soul that craves peace.




Despite all that I have just written it still doesn't truly sum up the emotions in me when I decide to submit to someone else, the vulnerability, the intimacy the knowledge that this person has seen all the things that I have been raised to believe are flaws in my character, they've seen all that and accepted it and even love me in a way because of it. A sadistic Dom/me is even better because they understand that the pain leaves me feel exhausted and hurting but contented and cleansed. In the aftermath of a good whipping or beating I feel with the purity that I associate with being a child, I feel like a blank canvas just waiting to be turned into a masterpiece by life.

I guess the Dom/ sub relationship is one of those rare things that you either understand deep down inside you in your heart of hearts, or you don't.

Sorry if that seems a bit rambling - I can't really find a way to compress my thoughts on the issue though.

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I think Xerys that you might be confusing masochism and submission - they are not the same thing. Masochists find pleasure in physical pain, submissives do not necessarily do so. Same as you can have a Dom / Domme who hates to cause physical pain you can have a submissive who dislikes being in physical pain.

mas-och-ism
-noun

1. Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
2. gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.


Sub-miss-ive
-adjective

1. Inclined or ready to submit; acknowledging one's inferiority; yielding; obedient; humble.

"Not at his feet submissive in distress, Creature so fair his reconcilement seeking. --Milton."

2. Showing a readiness to submit; expressing submission; as, a submissive demeanor.

"With a submissive step I hasted down. --Prior."

Syn: Obedient; compliant; yielding; obsequious; subservient; humble; modest; passive.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."