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We use hotmail with their family safe system set up. It requires a parental authorisation to add a contact, and deletes messages that are not white-listed addresses (or relays them to a parent).
The PW is set by the parent and the kid cannot change the settings.
As Shanni says, if we catch her abusing our trust, she loses internet access, which I can do in several ways up to taking away the PC if she managed to beat my mad tech skillz.
She's 8, so it's not much of an issue yet.
I grew up in a house where there was much adult material, in book and magazine form (not particularly pornographic, but medical books, reference books, Erica Jong and her ilk, "rude" fiction and so on, and the rule from age 12 or so was that I could read anything I could find on any bookshelf, but I had to be prepared to read it in the living room with the family, and I had to prove I was actually reading it.
On a related note, this attitude led to me reading voraciously, and fast - I finished LoTR (full trilogy plus appendices) in four days the first time I read it (aged 10) having got he single volume for Christmas, and my entire family refused to believe it, until they quizzed me for what in memory was hours, but in reality was not long at all I expect, until it was clear that I knew more than they did about the books.
The best way to protect my daughter is to ensure she knows what porn spam is and why it's not harmful, just annoying - otherwise she's going to fall prey to every scam artist she encounters the moment I stop looking over her shoulder as she grows up.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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