I'm a coffee fanatic, but i don't like french press coffee. However, french presses give the best caffeine buzz, so if that's your goal, that's your brewing method.
I like the simplicity of a moka pot (those things Italians make coffee in at home.) Moka pots aren't too fussy about the grind. I use a grind a bit coarser than espresso, but almost anything in the ballpark will work. Don't fill past the safety!
I also like turkish coffee, which is 2 tsp coffee ground to the consistency of cocoa powder brewed in an ibrik with an espresso cupful of water. One of my Lebanese friends insists that it must have at least a touch of sugar because "only junkies drink it without sugar". Chemically minded folk of a different stripe insist that the sugar makes it foam properly. Lots of people spike it with cardamom. The Lebanese let the coffee foam 3 times, most others just foam it once. Greek coffee is pretty much the same thing.
Espresso is nice, but it's rather doubtful that anyone is going to be springing for espresso machines in a depression. Ours is kaput, and there's no money for a new one. But maybe you work for a collection agency or a bankruptcy lawyer and things are different.
My advice would be to find a local roaster and ask what they've roasted most recently. Buy that.
There are good roasters who do mail order, but that gets expensive. You also lose a few days of freshness during transit. I roast my own and i prefer that to what i buy -- it's cheaper too! -- but if i had to buy roasted coffee and couldn't get any locally, i would it get it from Intelligentsia.
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I love that Leary skit. Never be afraid to ask questions at a coffee house; this could be your best place to learn. If they know their business, they know that coffee isn't just a simple matter of adding water to beans. The right place will have staff who absolutely love coffee and love talking about making it and teaching others the ins and outs. If ever you become a target of snuffery or baboon-elitism, find another coffee house.
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I know you have some good places in Toronto (i like the Moon Beam), but that's the exception. Around here the staff are the people who put the peppermint, mayonnaise, and peanut butter in your non-fat soy latte. The coffee is an afterthought. And they're not even open past fucking 3pm! The idea is that you stop in the drive thru on your way to work and order a high value added drink then get your ass out of the way for the next customer.