Leto handled some of this, but....
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Originally Posted by LordEden
1. What's the difference in the grinds? Is it like a grind of peppercorn, do you get different strengths out of it?
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Grind right for the type of brewing process. Espresso is extra fine because water is forced through packed coffee grounds. Drip makers require grind sizes depending on whether it's a cone or basket filter. And as Leto pointed out, French press grinds should be really course, but not too course. The wrong grind will result in one of two things: Too weak/watery or too strong/sludgy.
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2. Should I go to a coffee house and ask around there? Am I just going to get those elitists stares when I ask for coffee flavored coffee (Great Denis Leary skit)?
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I love that Leary skit. Never be afraid to ask questions at a coffee house; this could be your best place to learn. If they know their business, they know that coffee isn't just a simple matter of adding water to beans. The right place will have staff who absolutely love coffee and love talking about making it and teaching others the ins and outs. If ever you become a target of snuffery or baboon-elitism, find another coffee house.
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3. Starbucks? Is it worth the $5000 you have to pay to buy a cup of coffee there and are the beans worth it? I think not, but I'll ask.
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You might find that Starbucks "overroasts" their beans. I buy there when I'm in a bind and just want to get some beans, but I think you'd be better off finding a good independent house that offers everything as snowy suggested. Starbucks will always be overpriced and overstandardized.