Thread: The big step
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Old 12-04-2008, 08:40 AM   #31 (permalink)
Tully Mars
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Studentech View Post
Second, I'm the first boyfriend that she's done anything more then kiss with, so bad experiences is out of play.
I'd also really like to rule out the possibility of sexual abuse, although it's supposedly possible.
Sexual abuse is a bad experience therefore it's not "out of play." As much as you'd like to rule it out I don't see how you can without more info. Info that can only come from her. If she is a victim you're very, very likely the last person she's going to want to discuss the issue with, probably not going to want to discuss it with anyone. Victims of abuse often use denial as a coping tool. Teenage boys are more likely to engage this then girls, IMO. You can have the offender admitting to the acts on video, hell you can have the abuse on video, and a teenage boy will tell you that never happened or that's not me. I've seen girls do the same thing.

But just as you can't rule it out you can't know that's the issue either. You just don't have enough info. It could be as simple as many have stated- she's scared, it's her first time. She may just not want you to be her first time. She made just being having trouble going from "fooling around" to the "the big step." She may see touching or holding your penis as a line that she can't seem to cross.

As many have stated open honest communication between you and her in a non-sexual setting may yield the answers you need. And it may not. I'd go that route, if it doesn't at least lead to some answers I'd be rethinking the relationship. If it does and you do indeed love her then, even if the conversation doesn't resolve the issue completely, you at least have something to build on.
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