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As someone in her mid-twenties in the South, I've seen and/or been a part of my fair share of weddings. (yeah, I'm starting to get the, "Don't worry, you'll find someone" comments. Welcome to the Bluegrass) I've learned a lot from other people's mistakes....but never gone through the process myself.
I'd echo Cynthetiq's advice to keep it as small as you can. Of course, include everyone who you feel it is important to invite. But don't get bogged down in the pressure to invite everyone you/your parents know. Chances are, they probably don't want to come, but likewise feel obligated. Unless you're close to the bride and groom, weddings are a drag.
Make sure you don't get too consumed by the wedding. It's a big deal, but ultimately, it's one day. I don't know how many people I've heard complain that they spent too much time and energy on their wedding, and wished they had kept it simple.
As far as distance planning, a friend of mine is going through this right now. She's let her mother do some of the process-of-elimination, but retained control of final decisions. (sampling food, comparing florists, etc) It gives her mother some feeling of involvement without relinquishing control.
Oh, and a good way to alleviate stress is to relinquish decisions you don't care about. Don't really care what style of dress the bridesmaids wear? Let them pick them out. Not particularly concerned about what prelude the pianist plays? Let her guide you. There are roughly a bazillion decisions involved in wedding planning--don't take them all on yourselves if you don't want to. If control is your thing, then that's fine. But if there are things you don't care about so much...well, don't concern yourself. Of course, you may want "veto power", just so you are certain everything flows and jives.
Best of luck in planning, and congratulations on your engagement!
Best,
Saby
__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata
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